Winter is here

Winter has finally descended on us here At the base of the mountains.  We got about 4 inches of snow from the last storm that walloped the east coast.  I have been going to my therapist appointments as well as the the kids.  My stepson has only gone once.  They suspect he has some type of "spectrum" disorder.  By spectrum they mean autism.  I have suspected that for a long time by his behaviors.  I am still having a very difficult time dealing with his behaviors and physical problems that he has.  If you are curious about the physical problem.. Google encropsis.  I don't want to go into detail here but it is not pleasant to deal with at all.  My therapist has recommends that I go to Four Winds hospital for an outpatient program to get a look at my symptoms and my meds and see if adjustments are needed, which I'm sure they are.  I have not been dealing well at all with life in general.  I am frequently tired, occasionally get so agitated I start yelling and ranting at everyone.  I just got up and I feel physically exhausted.  I am going to the breast specialist in January.  The mass in my breast has gotten larger and my nipple has disappeared into my breast.  I have to dig it out to wash under it.  I'm wondering if that may have something to do with the tiredness I feel all the time.  I am not loosing weight or anything like that.  I am hoping the original diagnosis of no cancer is still there, but I would like to know what it is that is in there that is growing.  I'm so glad that I have free health insurance right now because I'm sure I am going to have to get a bunch of tests run all over again.  I just hope that they can figure things out before I start classes in January or at least that it doesn't interfere with my schedule.  I can take most classes online I think, but some I may have to go onto campus for.  My husband suggested that I go and get retested for the sleep apnea.  I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea, he said that people with bi-polar problems can have worse symptoms with sleep apnea.  Or sleep apnea can cause problems that mimic bi-polar something like that I can't remember.. I just hate the test and sleeping in a strange place.  I'm tired.. might just go back to bed before I have to go to the therapist.  I've been up for two whole hours.. wow.. 

I have been busy the last couple days.  Going to therapists, Dr. appts and shopping.  I got Sarah a nice fake fur vest she wanted for Christmas.  Reminded me of the rabbit fur jacket that was so popular when I was a kid.  Don't feel bad, I am glad no rabbits suffered for me!  I also got myself a couple of holiday tops!  $10 ea from Walmart.  I filled out my FAFSA and TAP for grants.  I had to send away for another school transcript, they wanted one unsealed.  If I get accepted, then I have to register for classes, do my immunization titre, etc. etc.  Hoping to start in January.  Sarah had some testing done in school and she registered high in a few areas of concern.  Inattention, Learning problems, Agression, Peer relations Negative Mood, Interpersonal problems, ineffectiveness, negative self esteem and something called anhedonia  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia   That is pretty scary.  I guess anything over 70 is of concern.  She scored high on the ADHD scales and the depression scales too.  I am glad she is in counseling and I saw her Dr. today and we are increasing the ADHD meds to see if it helps.  Karl is going to be seeing a therapist that specializes in areas of Spectrum disorders (autism).  I suspected that myself.   He has been cut off the games all together on weekdays and is limited to two hours a day on weekends.  Not for punishment but because he is so highly addicted and shows the autism symptoms more while playing.  Wow, I am just full of joyful news huh?  We have decided not to go to Florida and are taking them to the Great Escape indoor water park for two days.  In February, Rich and I are going to Atlantic City to hang out at the Tropicana!  I want to see the boardwalk too!  I decided I could not handle a car trip with those savages!  Maybe we can try next year.

Thanksgiving

Yes, we had a nice Thanksgiving day.  I kept my cool and didn't blow up or get upset about anything.  Rich and Rick decided to do some home improvement during the waiting for the turkey.  Rich finished up the window in the bedroom.  He put wood border frame around it.  He drilled a whole in the wall and ran the antenna wire thru it.  Then he installed a new bathroom vanity.  I made the stuffing for the turkey and he made regular stuffing.  Personally, I think mine was better.. hehe.  I made Ree Drummond's  (Pioneer Woman) Soul Sweet Potatoes.    I have never really enjoyed sweet potatoes until I made these!  I think this is going to be my signature dish at potlucks.  Easy to make and delicious!  The turkey came out beautifully.  We had corn, creamed spinach, cranberry sauce, rolls, gravy and pie!  Rick joined us.  He is a good neighbor and really has helped Rich out a lot with different projects.  


Travis' job ended on Wednesday, so he will be applying for unemployment soon.  We are going to have our health insurance starting on the 1st and I am so happy!  I have an appointment with the breast specialist on the first too.  


The kitten has come into heat for the first time.  I am looking around and trying to find a low cost spay/neuter clinic.  I inquired at Petsmart for the price of their spays and they quoted me over $300.  They must be smoking something over there.  So we have been listening to mournful yowling for about 4 days now.  I hope she starts slowing down soon.  I heard cats can come into heat again in less than a month.  


Rich and I splurged and got ourselves a new bed set.  It is a queen size and is so comfy!  It was not cheap but they threw in a twin for Sarah.  I have only bought myself one new bed before in my lifetime and it was a piece of junk.   This extra money has been a God send.  We got caught up on the bills and have a little extra for savings and perhaps a family trip.  We were thinking about going to Florida.  I have been pretty upset about my mother's health and wonder if we should go visit her instead.  Her heart is failing and I am not sure how much time she has left.  She said not to worry because she will always be in my heart, but I can't imagine how I am going to react when I loose my mother.  Every time I think about it I start tearing up.  My Mom has been my best friend and biggest supporter.  We had a rough patch when I was a teen and she didn't always like some of the decisions I have made in life, but she has still been there for me.  It is so hard for me to live so far away from her.  The only thing holding me here in NY now is my daughter.  I don't think it would be fair to take her away from her Grandmother.  I could care less about her father, but I know he would probably take me to court over it, even tho he barely sees her.  Hard to think in 7 years she will be 18.  Then I can go where I want, but my mother will be gone.  My sister and brother live down south.  My Mom is my rock however.  

Ok now I am crying just looking at her picture.  Wow.. I need a Mommy fix! 

Simple life giveaway

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Our pets

Our pets are all very special to us in so many ways.  The first cat is Brownie.  She was the second addition to our clan.  We adopted her from the Saratoga Co animal shelter.  She was the featured cat of the week.  She had a wonderful personality.  She is shy but loves to snuggle and bask in attention.  She is very trusting of me and will allow me to do just about anything to her. 
The second photo is of Buzzy at Christmas time. He is a Cairn Terrier. This was before he got the skin disease and lost most of his hair.  He is a strange dog.  He enjoys most dog things like eating and going outside.  He does however scratch and chew himself constantly.  I have tried different types of medication and am going to try another type soon.  Lets hope it works!  He is a very vocal dog, he will moan and make rawr sounds.  He "talks" to us.


The next photo is of our cat that we lost a few months ago to coyotes.  His name was Simba.  He was so beautiful.  He looked like a Maine coon.  My daughter loved that cat.


 Then we have Esther.  She is my husbands dog.  I do not care for her too much.  She is big, noisy and gross.  She is an affectionate dog however but I don't like being in the same room as her.  I have issues.. not her.




Next is the newest addition, Angel.  She is a part Oriental type breed.  She has blue eyes and caramel points as you can see.  She is very affectionate and playful.  Her nickname is OAK for Overly Affectionate Kitten!




Last but not least is our Tarzan.  He is an enormous cat who has a heart condition.  I'm surprised he has made it this long.  He is very friendly and almost dog like in personality.  He will just sit there and let you hug him.  He has several nick names.  Tardy, Tardbutt and Fatty.


We have too many pets obviously.  We are not going to get anymore right now, 5 is enough!  We love them however and they all have a very special place here.. well except for Esther.. LOL

My blog is boring

I have decided that my blog is just plain boring.  It seems all I do is whine and complain.  I don't have cute nicknames for people, or feed the homeless or grow awesome tomatoes.  I don't raise goats, horses, pigs or homestead.  I don't have any interesting political views or talk about what is new and exciting in the world.  I complain about my kids, my boob, being tired and having to money.  I was told by my hubby not to complain about him in my blog.  I am also not to discuss money problems.  We are all rich and happy.  No problems.  The weather is an ok subject I guess.  It was windy and cold today.  The birds have been very busy at the bird feeders except they keep hitting the window now.  I will have to put up stickers or something.  I mentioned that I cashed in my 401k on Facebook and the proverbial shit hit the fan.  Everyone was screaming about penalties and taxes etc..  Just for the record, the amount of money I had was paltry and they already took about 15% for the feds.  I don't know if that was the penalty or the tax.  We usually get wads of cash each year for the Earned Income Credit so I really am not worried about having to pay in. 
Oh and speaking of my boob, which is painful and still deformed and with a very large hard mass in it that my general surgeon says he doesn't know what it is (and probably doesn't care), I am getting my health insurance on Dec 1st.  I also have an appt that day in Albany with a breast specialist.  Maybe she can tell me what it is.  I have been still having the rashy itchy area on my side and have been generally feeling like a worn out dishrag. 
I am glad I have that 401k money.  I plan on paying off the house (good investment), paying up the bills and possibly taking the kids to Florida over Christmas vacation.  No we aren't going to Mouse World or any fancy schmancy place like that because it would eat over 1/2 of my money.  We are going to the beach and do some exploring.  I would like to go to St. Augustine and Jacksonville (zoo).  There are numerous state parks all up and down the northeast seashore.  Or we may go further and go to Tampa/Clearwater area.  I want to walk on white sand by palm trees!  I know the drive down will be hell with the demon children in the car but perhaps I can get my nerves unfrazzled on the beach!

What a beautiful day!

The weather is beautiful today.  I am trying to think of a way I can go out and enjoy it later.  Maybe do some yard work.  Maybe go find a couple geocaches.  We are trying not to go to far with the old car because of the transmission.  We got a new used car.  Paid a lot less than its book value and Rich is happy.  The only drawback is that it needs the premium fuel.  That does not make me happy.  Gas is expensive enough!  It is a 1995 Buick Park Ave. 

This is not our car.. but it looks like this one.  Rich was up bright and early heading to the auto parts store.  He is going to give it a tune up and it needs some other minor work done.  I'm glad I married a mechanical type.  
I have been looking for work and thinking about going back to school.  I had originally planned to go to Hudson Valley CC for its radiological class but because I have to take so many core classes first I wouldn't start the actual program until Fall of 2012.  I don't think unemployment is going to keep me on the payroll that long!  I do need some more schooling however because I cannot go back to the nursing home work.  I could however do private duty work or home care but the pay for that is not that great.  There is one company I am going to look into if it comes down to it.  Rich wants me to not rush into things and see about school.  I am not sure if I am mentally or physically ready to work anyhow. 
I am still having depression problems and my breast is still giving me a great deal of problems.  Nothing ever came of the first round of tests.  The surgeon basically told me that he "doesn't know what is wrong with it".  I am scheduled to see a specialist in Albany Dec. 1st.  I am hoping my insurance will be here by then!  
I am still doing work at the barn 3 days a week.  On Friday I do two shifts of two hours each.  I am doing the evening feeding now too.  I am finding I am getting a little stronger but I get exhausted so easily.  I wonder if it is just plain laziness!  
I am expecting a disbursement of my 401K from my last job this month.  I know there will be penalties but we need the money now.  Pay some bills, get this new car on the road, have some money for Christmas and hopefully go take a road trip to go see my Mom and rest of family down south!  I will have to see if there are any bloggers I know on the way and stop and visit.  I would love to see Kelly and Carlene in GA.  With my luck they both live on opposite ends of the state!  I have a sister in Arkansas and I have had an informal invite to go coon hunting with an Arkansas blogger!  The route we will take will bring us all the way across NY to Buffalo,  I can stop and see Donna D there!  Then south thru Penn and Ohio to Kentucky.  I want to visit Lexington but I know the kids will complain and moan the whole time so I will save that until the spring perhaps and go away with the hubby!  So we will probably go down the middle of Kentucky, drop down into Tennessee,  pass through the Nashville area, another place I would like to visit!  West into Arkansas and then south to Bossier City, Louisiana to my sisters!  Perhaps on the way back up we can go east up through GA and Washington D.C. and head north to home.  I will have to see how my sister went.  I think we will go around D.C. and maybe come up a little further west and up through PA.  I have an Aunt in GA too but I will have to contact her somehow and see where she lives.  It is a pretty big trip and not a lot of time to dilly-dally along the way.  The kids have 12 days off of school.  We can take 2 or 3 to go down, visit for about 5 days and then head north.  We will want a day of rest at home before they go back to school.  It will be a fairly expensive trip factoring in hotels etc.. I plan on packing a cooler so we can stock up on snacks and we can pack lunch and breakfast foods.  Try to eat out as little as possible and show up at people's houses at dinner time... LOL  Knowing my step-son the highlight of the trip will be eating his way through several states.  This kid is constantly hungry.  I think he thinks he is hungry when he really just ate.  He can sit down and eat a full size meal every 3 hours and snack in between.  It is rare to see him NOT eating!  Maybe we should just get him a feed bag.  :)  Well, I've been blathering on long enough.  If you want a visit from the Adirondack country gal and you live on our intended route give me a shout and we can see if we can come for a visit! 

Been sick

These last couple of weeks have been rough.  I have been sick for the last 4 days with bowel problems, but I think I may be through the worst of it.  I started off with this weird rash on my side which probably had nothing to do with it.  My health insurance should be coming through pretty soon.  I really need to go to my Dr.  My mental state has been pretty sluggish still.  Tired a lot and not much enthusiasm.  My husband is not happy with that.  I spend too much time in bed.  He got all his upper teeth pulled on Wed.  He has been having some pain from that but has been taking Lortab for it.  He is as busy as usual.  I tried working at the barn Friday night and needed some help finishing up and couldn't do everything I needed to.  I think someone didn't do their share the night before.  It looked like that stalls and paddocks hadn't been cleaned in two days.  I didn't have the strength to clean it all.  It was a huge mud pit outside too.  I go again Monday morning and then Rich and I have a lesson early afternoon if we feel up to it.  
Sarah is going to a counselor  on Wed for the ADD and behavior problems.  We are going to get Karl signed up too because he has some serious behavior issues too.  First and foremost his video game addiction.  He throws a hissy fit if he has to do anything other than play his games.  If we ask him to turn it off he has a fit and then pouts and refuses to do chores.  He tries to bargain with us to get them back.  He has very strange mannerisms too such as jumping up and down when playing the games and when he gets excited he runs across the room hunched over and clenching his hands in front of his face.  It is almost like autistic behavior.  He has this weird tongue thrusting he does too when he plays games.  He also claims he doesn't realize he does these things and "can't help it".  He has an unnatural obsession with food and asks us repeatedly what is for lunch, dinner etc..  even after we have told him.  Sometimes he even asks what is for a meal a couple days in advance.  He gets very over excited and greedy about food and always runs to get to the food first sometimes falling down in the process.  I hope counseling can help him.  He drives me batty sometimes.  
Sarah does too with her whining and nasty attitude.  She hates it when she doesn't get her way.  
Well anyhow, I am glad Halloween is over and now we can look forward to Thanksgiving. 

Nervous Nellie

My daughter has been gone since noon to the Great Escape.  She has gone with family and her brother but they have never taken care of her and her diabetes before.  I have heard that she is fine and having fun but I can't help but be nervous.  She is going to spend the night at my nieces.  
I have been fighting a head cold.  Thanks honey for the sweet gift you gave me!  He made my daughter a wooden bed frame for her room.  It has a solid bottom so all kinds of crap can't migrate under it.  He did a really nice job on it.  Looks like something you could buy at a furniture store.  
I am really tired.. waiting for them to call me that they got back ok and make sure Sarah gets her night time insulin. I know I'm a worry wart but it is hard. 

My daughter

Yesterday I took Sarah her pediatrician to re examine using medication for ADD with Sarah.  She put her on Concerta.  A meeting has been held at the school which I attended.  Mostly all the teachers agree that Sarah just seems to sit there and stare blankly into space with an expressionless face.  She is very unorganized and very angry and difficult at home.  She will also be getting counseling soon, I hope.  I think my step-son needs it too.  I will not discuss the reasons here as it is way to personal.  I think he has ADD too with some hyper mixed in.  It took him well over an hour to do an assignment which should of only taken 15 minutes due to him being distracted by everything and everyone. We had to remind him countless times to go do his homework.  He also has unusual behaviors when he plays video games.  He hops up and down from a sitting to standing position repeatedly and makes a strange gesture in front of his face with his hands if over excited.  He is horribly clumsy and constantly falling or tripping.  I think he should get some testing done too.  I personally could use some counseling to help me deal with the chaos and bad behavior at home.  I feel like I could loose it at any time!
 

Lost more weight!

I guess the only real side benefit to being in this funk is that I don't eat as much.  I weighed myself after breakfast today and the scale said 190!  So I've lost 13 lbs so far.  I can see the difference when I look down at my tummy.  The skin is looser.  I have been feeling a little better.  I've gotten up and done some household work.  My husband has been running a wire to the shed.  His friend is helping him.  He is a contractor and knows what he is doing.  It has a breaker set up in it so if anything goes wrong it will flip the breaker.  So the man cave will now have electricity and heat.. LOL.  I will never see my husband again.  
I've really been in a dilemma about what to do about our dog.  He has a severe skin disease and I can't afford to keep taking him to the vet.  I don't know whether to find him a new home like a rescue for his breed or have him put to sleep.  He scratches and chews himself till he bleeds.  If I re-home him I fear someone will try to turn me in because the dog looks horrible and he stinks fiercely.  The vet told us it is difficult to treat once it gets to the stage he is in.  Any advice people?  
I have finally gotten two payments for unemployment, except it hasn't been deposited in my checking acct yet.  That figures! I'm hoping we will get it Monday.  The bills are so far backed up.  All our animals need shots.  It is just so frustrating.  Any day now I'm waiting for the car to get repossessed.  We have been making payments but are behind.  I know everyone is tired of hearing me whine.  But it is my blog and I shall whine if I wish too!  :)
Well as usual I will leave with something nice to look at.  Ishy kitty.  Her real name is Angel but I call her Ishy.  Short for kittenish.  Here she is helping me arrange the items I got in the mail yesterday for free!  I send away for free items from companies.  What floored me was the full size coffee sample from Green Mountain!  They even sent a mug and a sticker!  How generous!  Good coffee too.  I should send it to Dad from Dad's Tomato Garden. 

What is in my head.

I am suffering from complete physical and mental  exhaustion.  
Someone is shooting a shotgun in the woods.
I went to the barn and mucked and watered.
My husband and I have found #500 geocaches in 4 1/2 years.  No, that is not a lot.  Some cachers find that many in a month!
I need to help my daughter with her homework .
I am suffering from complete physical and mental  exhaustion.  
I need to go to the Dr. and I have no health insurance.
I love my family but I can't handle the chaos.
The fall colors are beautiful.
Winter is coming.

 

Weight update

According to the scale at home, I've lost 6 lbs.  Now I'm sure the scale at the Dr. office would say other wise, but for now I will go with the home scale!

Fall is here

Fall is definitely here in Upstate NY.  The leaves are changing rapidly and some lawns are already covered in a carpet of orange.  I really need to get out and take some pictures of this autumn splendor.  I have been bone tired lately.  My husband tested positive for Mono so I am wondering if I have it too.  One of the symptoms is exhaustion.  I went for a job interview but haven't been called back yet.  I don't think I will be picked, it is a pretty exclusive job.  I've been helping out at the barn a couple days a weeks. I enjoy being around the horses.  They for the most part are all good horses and very friendly.  One had a shoe half off today so I had to call the barn manager and help her with the horse to get the shoe off.  It is a good thing I called because a clip had gotten embedded in the bottom of his hoof and that could lead to an abscess.  I have applied for unemployment but have not received anything yet.  I am looking for jobs but am reluctant to apply, I am afraid I may have a mental relapse.  I had a bad morning today and was on the verge of loosing it in the car.  Hope to post some new pictures soon..  Here is a kitten picture however!

My old teacher

I am going to meet my old 4th grade teacher tonight.  I haven't seen him since 1978, he was my teacher in 1976.  Sarah has him now for math in the middle school.  I did a blog on his father back a while ago and I wanted to re-post it.  Google this man sometime if you have a chance and want to learn some fascinating history!
Here is another article about him that is interesting!  I had the pleasure of caring for Mr. Dart at the nursing home that I worked at.  As far as I know he is still alive and doing pretty good.  God Bless him and for raising such a wonderful son who was my teacher as well as my daughters.  I did make a mistake in my old blog post, it was not the Medal of Honor it was the Congressional Gold Medal.

I'm getting old

I know I'm getting old.  The way the girls dress these days disgust and shock me... Time for me to apply for my senior discounts I guess..  Seriously tho, she is a pretty girl, but I've seen movies where the hookers portrayed in them wear more clothes!  I wonder if she knows her dress is see through?  Oh and from what I understand this girl is still in high school too.  I can't wait until my daughter is a teen... Oh joy!

 

A day at the fair and a day doing nothing..

My oldest child, Travis decided to take the day off.  He has been working like a dog.  This is only his 3rd day off in 40 days that the track has been open.  I think he deserves it.  They are going back onto the regular 8-4:30 weekends off schedule starting Tuesday.  School starts Wednesday and then the kids get Thursday off for Rosh Hashana.  Makes alot of sense doesn't it?  The fair was pleasant.  I had fun watching the different horses going about.  I walked Frostlin, one of the mares for a bit.  She was quite worked up and a bit of a handful, so she really put my skills to the test.  I also got to ride Earl a little bit.  From what I understand he is a Standardbred.  He is broke to ride but is not really a beginners horse.  I found out that the slightest touch of the heel or just a simple kiss will get him off at a rapid trot which had me grasping for the saddle horn and trying to slow him down.  I really need a lot of work on the trot.  My seat gets completely lost, my feet fly all over and my hands come way up in the air.  I don't fall off or come close to it, but I know I look like an idiot trying to stay in the saddle!  The last horse I rode was difficult to get up into a trot but once he did I had the same problem of trying to keep my seat and posture while directing him at the same time.  I'm a wreck!  I think what I need is a large area to practice in where I can trot on a straight way with out having to worry about making turns until I have my seat.  It is hard to learn to ride at the age of 44!  I have a lovely large bruise on my inner thigh that I have no idea how it got there.  Probably from riding.  

This sunflower is in my front yard.  It is beautiful.  We had a helicopter flying over in loops for over an hour near our house last night.  Turns out there was a break in at a house a country block over.  They did eventually catch the guy but I wonder if a helicopter was really necessary.  I suppose the pilots need flight hours under their belts.
Today was a pretty uneventful day.  I slept in until 10:30 AM which was a miracle.  I really needed it.  We went to the mall and ordered Karl some glasses.  I hope he doesn't "loose" them this year.  The insurance he has only allows new glasses every two years.  I'm sure it is a matter of time before Sarah gets glasses unless she gets her father's vision.  I have begun to realize that I really need a new eye exam and I've needed new glasses for a long time.  I think I am going to need reading glasses soon as small print is becoming more difficult and I need to remove my glasses to read under certain circumstances.  I have had glasses since I was 12 or 13.  We also went to Petsmart and Sarah got a algae eater for her fish tank.  We also stopped at Aeropostale and she got a $5 t-shirt.  Now that she likes the more expensive brands, I found that to be quite a bargain.  She wanted to see what the big stink was (literally) about Abercrombie and Fitch so we stopped in there.  The clothes were cute and all very small of course.  I looked at a little pink camisole and got sticker shock when I saw it was marked at $30!  You can buy one at Walmart for a fraction of the price!  The store reeked of perfume and it was quite overwhelming with the loud rock music blaring and the bright colored lights shining around.  I'm getting old.  I did not however see any shirtless young men which would of made the experience much nicer.  We left the mall and went home where I took another nap.  I am tired again and it is only 8 PM.  How sad..  :)
Here are some pictures from the Fonda fair.. mostly animals because that is all I had time to see.  I spent most of the time at the booth for the horse rescue.

 Rich and Karl check out Frostlin

 Earl and Frostlin

Momma mini with her surprise mini-mule foal!

We got some baked goods from this Amish family, we caught them on the way home as they were packing up to leave.  The mini mare had surprised her human family on Sept. 1st with a foal.  They did not even know she was pregnant.  The father was quite apparent as the foal is a mule!

Fonda fair

Today we are going to the Fonda Fair.  It is actually the Montgomery County fair but it is known as the Fonda fair.  Charlie Daniels is playing tonight.  I think I mentioned that in my last post.  Unfortunately we won't be seeing him.  The kids will get to go on some rides and I'll do a little sightseeing.  Then I get to booth sit for 4 hours for the horse rescue.  The weather is much cooler today and sunny.  We had a period of cloudiness yesterday due to Hurricane Earl but just a sprinkle of rain.  We really could use some rain right now however.  
I read in the paper yesterday that apple season has started early.  I very rarely go apple picking.  The price of the apples at the store are much cheaper and come from the same farms.  I realize that apple picking is an "event" and something to enjoy but I am such a cheapskate that all I can see is money flying away.  I will drive by the orchard and enjoy looking at the apples instead.  I hope to have some pictures to post later today from the fair!

 

Almost school time!

Yes, I am looking forward to the kids going back to school.  It means we will have to start getting up at 6 AM instead of 7 AM but to have those nice, long, quiet days are something to look forward to.  I am going to be working 3 days a week at the horse barn starting Wednesday for a couple hours a day to pay for lessons.  I am about to loose my real job at Wesley.  I have been out still on disability.  The anxiety has been unrelenting and nothing seems to really work except Zanax.  I don't want to take too much of it, it can be addicting.  I will be eligible for unemployment on the 14th of this month.  I am hoping that I will be able to work after all.  Finding work probably won't be a problem due to my type of work but I'm not sure if I can do that anymore due to the stress.  Physically it will be difficult too.  I really need to start cutting back on what I eat and get more exercise.  I am really getting fat and out of shape.  
I am doing a few volunteer hours tomorrow at the Fonda fair.  I did 4 hours on Tuesday and will do 4 more tomorrow.  Charlie Daniels is supposed to be doing a concert, but I won't be able to go see him.  Not enough money and the kids would be "bored".  The volunteer work is for Easy Street horse rescue.  They are a great organization with some really nice horses there.  I wish I could afford to adopt a horse.  Just being around them is enough for now though.  Here are some pictures from the past week.

 The pictures were all taken at the Washington County Fair.

Yet another new barn

I went to one place a week or so ago and worked for an hour and got a one hour lesson for my daughter and myself.  I went back on a day arranged and was told that I misrepresented how much I knew and took too long to groom 4 horses.  Also because my kids played in the hay barn I was a liability.  This all coming from some young 20 something skinny ass chick who obviously has no tolerance for someone who is VOLUNTEERING in exchange for lessons.  She wanted and expected me to work like a paid employee.  
I got an e-mail from a place not to far from here yesterday and called and talked to the lady.  We are on the same page pretty much.  She offered to pay per job or trade for lessons and I stressed to her that I am not an expert by any means.  This time, I'll leave the kids and the camera at home until I know I am welcome and situated there.  Horse people seem strange and also don't have much tolerance for people new into the field.  
In other news, our car is fixed.  Thank God!  We will be taking Sarah to camp on Saturday and then driving to Massachusetts for an airshow in Westfield.  The Thunderbirds will be flying and I'm really looking forward to it.  I told my husband we should get there early for good parking and also to perhaps get box seats in the shade for only $5 each.  First come first serve.  I have no desire to broil in the sun for 7 hours.  Just in case though I will pack the sunscreen!
Leaving you dear reader with some pictures!

Boring, boring week

Our car has been out of commission for several days.  First we though it was the security system because the fuel system was checked twice and came back ok.  Off to the shop it went and over $200 dollars later they said it was something with bad wires.  It ran fine for one day and then wouldn't start again.  They towed it down again and now said it is the fuel pump and it will cost $900 to get it fixed and they wanted to charge us again for towing.  Needless to say we did not pay for the tow there or back because they told us to begin with that it was not the fuel system.  So my husband ordered the part online and will try to put it in himself.  Lets hope it works!  I am supposed to go up to the new barn tomorrow to work for a couple hours.  I have been stuck home for 4 days and I am getting weary of it.  We have been relying on a neighbor for rides for my son back and forth to work and have to ask him again tomorrow.  I hate asking but we need to get places and he is well compensated.  I guess he is getting a little crabby about it though so I hope the part comes soon!
I guess I have been medically "retired" from my job at the nursing home.  It isn't official yet but I got a check and a card.  So I guess in mid Sept. I will be unemployed.  Time to hit up unemployment I guess.  I wish they would let me go now, but I guess legally they can't.  Disability has been slow with the checks.  I did get one for a raise I was supposed to get back in the spring, so that was a nice bonus surprise!  Its gone however of course.  To overdue bills.
The garden is spitting out tomatoes now and squash about every other day.  We have lettuce still but its getting bitter.  We had some cabbage last night, still have potatoes to harvest but not quite yet.  I know there are some there because I uncovered on to take a peek.  I made jam for the first time.  It came out so-so but I guess with practice I will get better.  I want to can some pasta sauce or tomatoes soon also.  I have been resorting to taking a lot of pictures lately, you can see them on my facebook page, but here are a couple from the last couple days.

 

Another two weeks gone by

I go to the Dr. again tomorrow for a med check.  I really don't want to be on this Zyprexa.  I'm worried about weight gain and the other side effects.  My moods are still up and down but not as severe.  I don't want to go back to work at Wesley.  I've got so much coming up the next couple of weeks.  Just the idea of having to go back to work sucks.  I would rather stay on disability and wait until my 3 months go by and be let go then go back there.  I am considering just putting in my notice.  I would rather get unemployment tho while I'm looking for another job.  Rich got a check for school, but most, actually all of it is going to bills.  The car broke down too so that will by more $$$.  I hate this living so broke.  Hate it.  I would love just enough to be comfortable and not worry about how to pay the bills etc. and have some left over for the nicer things in life.  Like being able to buy my kids things and to go out to eat once in a while, or go on a trip.  Instead I have to tell my kids that we don't have the money.  Rich hates it when I do that, but what am I supposed to tell them?  I believe honesty is the best policy.  He and I have completely different attitudes about money really.  
I found work at another barn.  It seems like it might work out nice.  Work for lessons.  They have trails and alot of room for riding, plus an arena for practice.  I rode on Friday.  I remembered a bit, but I really need to build up some muscle so I can ride correctly.  Posting the trot is hard, you need to sit up straight, heels down, hands down and go up and down, one two one two with the horse.  It's alot harder than it looks!Posting the trot Click that for a video. Really not to much more going on.  Tomatoes are coming in now, picked another zucchini today.  Still have several cabbage growing.  Our cat Simba disappeared again and has been gone several days, I think he might be dead.  I feel so sad about that. 

Zyprexa blues

Yes, normally I'm supposed to feel better, I do to some degree but I feel hyper alot more now.  I guess that could be a good thing, but I've been cursed with motor-mouth to a degree.  Pretty annoying.  I went out to two different places this week to check about work for riding.  The first place was ok, I think they have too many horses for a small spot and there was only a very small field to ride in.  Takes 20 seconds to get from one end to the other.  The one I went to today seems great.  Very low key.  They definately need work done.  They have 33 horses to look after and only one manager and the owner.  The horses all seem great.  They have 4 large drafts and two draft Haflingers too.  I was trying hard to show my horse knowledge, what little I have and not seem creepy.  When I was walking back to the car with my husband and daughter, I turned around and saw the owner and manager looking at us and talking low.  I wonder what they were saying.  Hopefully not these people are creepy.  I know my husband can be a little intimidating because he is very quiet, tall and just is there.  Maybe he scares people.  I go away this weekend for a day or two for my anniversary!  We are prob. going to Vermont.  I love Vermont. 

Thinking about things

I have been thinking alot about this drug that my Dr. put me on for my panic disorder.  It is generally used for people with bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia.  It made me look back at my life and my pattern of behaviors over most of my adult life.  I can see now that there may have been cycling episodes.  It may just be mild but I can see a pattern.  I have had periods of intense interest in a particular activity or person and if things go wrong, like they have recently I get very upset and quickly move on to fill the hole, so to speak.  I would get depressed easily and think that my life was shit.  
Lately I think my activities have been based around horses, working with them etc.. I have never in my life had the opportunity to do what I want to do now.  My ultimate goal is to own a horse.  I can see where I become involved in almost an unhealthy way.  I feel like I'm "at one" with horses and that I may have a special connection with them etc..  I have not done anything inappropriate that I can see however.  I still use caution and care which some people with bipolar disorder don't use.  I have been clinically depressed off and on thru my adult life and on meds since Sarah was born.  At first it was thought to be postpartum depression but I was never able to come off the meds.  Lately tho, the meds haven't worked well for me, I remained depressed and had no interest in life except for things that I developed a passion for.  The house could look like a pig sty and I wouldn't care, I would leave the mess and go out and do something else.  I have neglected my children emotionally by distancing myself and have done this with my husband too.  I am going to discuss this with my Dr. when I go back and see if I should see a psychologist or something.  Honestly I would like to be able to work, but I don't want to work where I do now.  Work in general is becoming hard for me.  To be able to focus and apply myself is hard.  I find I take time off work too much.  Its hard for me to complete several days of work in a row.  
I don't like this new med I am on, I have read alot of bad things about it, how harmful it can be.  Also it makes people eat excessively and I have noticed an increase in my appetite already.  
Anyhow I have found a new farm to go try but it is pretty far, about and hour drive so if I go it will only be once a week or less.  The girl there sounds pretty generous about letting us ride however.  Linda

 

Banned from Old Friends?

The person who runs Old Friends at Cabin Creek have decided that there is something about me that makes them feel uncomfortable.  Until they think it over and find out what that exactly is I guess I am not welcome there any longer.  I'm very upset considering all the hours of time I've put in there.  One of the horses there recently died and I'm thinking she may somehow think its my fault.  Also because Funny Cide is there for a visit.  I saw him today briefly before I was given the boot, also saw Jack Knowlton too.  Time to find a new barn, I have a possibility already but its an hour drive.

New drugs and Trailer park drama

Wow that title sounds so exciting, where should I start.  I guess with the trailer park drama.  The people who live across from us, its a woman and her "boyfriend" I guess.  Anyhow he gets bursts of violent outrages and last week I heard loud banging and she was screaming like he was killing her.  Now some of my longer readers will know how I feel about being exposed to that type of behavior as I lived with it for 12 years.  I did what most people would do and called 911.  It took about 10 minutes for the police to come, mind you I wasn't the only one that called according to the dispatcher.  So while they were on the way I went outside to be nosy.  I was sitting on my patio where no one could see me.  The boyfriend goes outside and bangs on their car and then grabs a ladder and climbs up a tree!  He stays up there while the police come.  In the meantime the girlfriend had come out and was putting things in her car when they came.  She must of told them that everything was fine because they left.  The boyfriend comes out of the tree and starts talking and singing about "scumbags".  End of part 1.
Now the day before yesterday my husband goes outside for a smoke and the boyfriend comes out of this trailer and directly called my husband "scumbag" and "cop caller".  He offered my husband to go over so he could get his "ass kicked".  My husband is a real man and told the little meathead to take a hike.  So the same night the banging and screaming start again.  I look out and the boyfriend comes out of  house and has a cellphone, he looks at it, runs back in and starts confronting his g/f about calling 911.  He throws the phone and starts kicking furniture and hollering.  She is screaming "Call the cops, call the cops". She said "get out of my house, this time I'm pressing charges".  So we called 911 again.  The b/f takes off again and her family shows up to comfort her right about the time the police show up.  Anyhow I don't know if they found him or what.  I haven't seen him and hope I don't.  
My anxiety has been bad the last week and I had another attack where I was trembling and it got so bad I was stuttering.  I went to the Dr. while I was having it, my appt happened to be then.  She diagnosed me with psychotic  anxiety of something like that.  Then she gave me a drug which she said should help me sleep and is a mood stabilizer.  Its called Zyprexa.  It has all sorts of lovely side effects such as massive weight gain etc.  I took it once and it turned me into a zombie.  I lost some control over my limbs and was walking funny and "tweaking".  I feel better now but I'm afraid to take it again. 

Frustrated

I'm not too happy with the way I've been feeling lately.  Still no energy and if it gets up over the 80's outside I have to stay in with the A/C on or I get sick.  I start sweating and feeling light headed.  I haven't had any more anxiety attacks like the one last week in the store.  Not sure if I blogged about that.  I had an anxiety attack right after dropping things off at the fair.  We went to the store and it was all I could do to hang on until we got a few things.  I was walking around following my husband clutching a box of Froot Loops to my chest, eyes bugged out and breathing rapidly.  Not fun.  I was quite anxious this morning when I got up however.  I think it may be because I go to the Dr. tomorrow to find out when I can go back to work or if I should.  I really don't want to.  I'm worried that I will just fall back into the same problems as before with being overwhelmed and not being able to function.  Hell.. I can't function now.  I have to ambition to go out and do anything.  I did go to the fair with my husband to see how we did with our entries.  We did pretty good except my floral entries sucked.  I only won a second place there.  I got two blue ribbons overall I believe and the rest second place.  I will earn back enough to cover my entry fees at least.  We also watched a little of the tractor pulls.  I love those!

 

Back from the Catskills

Our trip was pretty uneventful.  We ended up leaving early because our dog with the skin disease was disturbing to some of the relatives.  We couldn't leave him outside or tie him up cause he would bark and whine.  I was ready to come home anyway.  The kids are going to camp for 5 days starting this Sunday.  This will be Sarah's first time to camp.  I hope she enjoys it.  Oh my biopsy came back ok.  I still don't know why there is a lump there but it is benign anyhow.  Thank God, I don't need to deal with cancer right now.  This weekend will be dedicated to getting ready for the fair and getting kids off to camp.  I have a few flower arrangements to fix up and tidy up the vegetable plants to enter.  I am trying antiques for the first time this year.  Also the "fun with vegetables" category, I am entering for largest zucchini.  I have a whopper outside that is still growing.  It has two and a half more days before I cut it off the mother ship.  Here is a picture of it.

It is hard to tell the size in this picture but I would say its over a foot long at this point.  I will measure it before I enter it at the fair. 

Time to go to the Catskills

Tomorrow we will be leaving to go down to the Catskills to the summer house.  Its an old house with no electricity but plenty of space and a huge yard.  Its out in the middle of the mountains with a nice view.  Very quiet and relaxing.  
I went Friday for a biopsy on the hard mass in my breast.  They found that the cyst that was aspirated filled back up.  The Dr. told me that is unusual.  So I am waiting for the results from the biopsy.  Hopefully get them Tue or Wed.  I also received a jury summons in the mail!  I have never been called for jury duty since my son was an infant and I was excused.  I hope I get picked.  Not that I want to miss more work but that because I've always wanted to do this.  I think it would be interesting.  

Triplets and blue jays

I went outside this morning and took pictures of a zucchini stem with 3 flowers on it!  I have never seen anything like this before.  Unfortunately it was a male, so no triple zucchinis from it!

I heard a lot of blue jay screaming outside shortly after and went out to discover my cat had a baby blue jay.  I would try to get it away and he kept going under the house with it.  My husband finally got it away and the poor thing is still alive.  

 I really have my doubts that it will survive.  I have it in a shoebox right now and it has just been laying quietly first panting and now breathing with its mouth closed.  I would be very surprised if it actually survived this encounter.  It is almost fledged out.  It has full feathers on its wings and was probably just starting out and fell on the ground where the cat got it.  I hate to see that happen but its hard to keep the cats in all the time.
I am going to the surgeon today and will post what he says later..

Happy 4th of July

Hi everyone, as we celebrate America's birthday I would like to wish you a safe and happy day!  With that said..
I'm still out of work until Thursday when I go and see the Dr. again.  I am still not feeling stable enough to go back, my moods are up and down and I have a lot of anxiety still.   I've been trying to get out there and have fun, but I haven't been posting much about it, especially on Facebook because I have co-workers on there and I'm sure someone would blab to my boss that I don't look depressed enough.  I guess I shouldn't worry about it because I don't think I will be returning to that position anyhow.  Funny, I'm out on medical leave and not once has anyone called me to ask how I am.  I received two well-wishers on Facebook but that is it.  No call from my boss or co-workers.  Oh well!  Lots of jobs available at the hospital.  They have been wanting me to interview over there for years.  I've put in for jobs and have cancelled interviews because I don't want to take a paycut.  Right now, my sanity is more important.  I won't go back to working until I feel stable.  I hope my Dr. agrees with me.  This disorder runs in my family, so at least I don't feel alone.  
I am sad also because my Mom is not doing well.  Her heart is severely damaged and her diabetes is bad.  She lives so far away and it kills me to know that any day I could get that phone call that she has gone to heaven.  I feel guilty for not being closer to her so I can be with her.  
Wow, this is a gloomy post as usual.  Well, on to more gloom... I am going to the surgeon on Wed for his opinion on the mass left in my breast after the cyst aspiration.  It may very well be just fibrous tissue and I am not upset at all that it may be something else.  I will wait until I see what he thinks and go from there.  
The garden continues to do well, we have a couple of nice zucchini out there, I'm growing one for the fair to see how big it will get, I have an entry for largest zucchini.  I hope mine is a whopper, it has three weeks left to grow.  My cabbage head is looking great too.  I have two plants entered and I'm doing cut flowers again.  Also new this year is antiques.  I have a salt and pepper shaker and a Table Talk pie tin.  The kids are doing culinary so they will get free passes.  
Good news, Sarah was accepted for two weeks at Camp Scully.  Karl just came back and he liked it.  Its 5 days then two off and then 5 more for Sarah.  Overnight camp.  They have nurses on staff to help with the diabetes.  All I need to pay is $70 and the rest is scholarship!  She has diabetes camp in August also.  
Rich wants to go to the summer house for a few days this month also.  Its very quite and scenic there and just what I need I think.  So I will leave you with a picture... Linda

Out of work

I've been temporarily put out of work by my Dr. due to stress, anxiety and depression.  She changed my meds from generic lexapro to generic Prozac.  I hope to see an improvement.  I have been very unhappy at work.  I find my boss difficult to deal with.  I think she is trying to push me out the door.  She doesn't like the fact that I have FMLA for my daughter.  I have signed up for it for myself too as a matter of fact.  I am thinking that after I am feeling better, a job change is in order.  
Karl went to Camp Scully  today.  I think he will have a good time.  I found out that they let children with diabetes go to, so I will see if they have room for Sarah in a session this year too.  She is signed up for Circle of Life diabetes camp in August either way.  Camp Scully was basically free.  We got a scholarship for Karl and only paid a $35 deposit.  
I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not but I have been dealing with issues with my left breast.  I have a mass.  They drained a cyst but there is still a mass inside.  It could very possibly just be fibrocystic tissue but I need to go see a surgeon to decide the next tests to run.  I hope he orders an MRI before a biopsy!  Of course getting the cyst drained was no big deal so a biopsy probably won't hurt either.
Our garden is going very well.  I have decided the back of the yard is not a good spot at all for veggies.  We planted radish and onion there and none has started bulbs.  Lots of greens but no developing roots.  The radish to the north of the house however gets more light and has very nice bulbs on them.  Its actually time to harvest.  We have cabbage coming along nice and the tomatoes and squash are doing good too.  I'm getting fair entries ready and hope we get some good produce to show.  I am entering a live squash plant in a container again this year as well as a nice lettuce plant.  Here is a picture of the garden out front.

Here is a close up of the squash in the center.  Its a zucchini.

My bee balm this year got very tall, here is a blurry pic my hub took but you can get the idea..

Close up..