Another two weeks gone by

I go to the Dr. again tomorrow for a med check.  I really don't want to be on this Zyprexa.  I'm worried about weight gain and the other side effects.  My moods are still up and down but not as severe.  I don't want to go back to work at Wesley.  I've got so much coming up the next couple of weeks.  Just the idea of having to go back to work sucks.  I would rather stay on disability and wait until my 3 months go by and be let go then go back there.  I am considering just putting in my notice.  I would rather get unemployment tho while I'm looking for another job.  Rich got a check for school, but most, actually all of it is going to bills.  The car broke down too so that will by more $$$.  I hate this living so broke.  Hate it.  I would love just enough to be comfortable and not worry about how to pay the bills etc. and have some left over for the nicer things in life.  Like being able to buy my kids things and to go out to eat once in a while, or go on a trip.  Instead I have to tell my kids that we don't have the money.  Rich hates it when I do that, but what am I supposed to tell them?  I believe honesty is the best policy.  He and I have completely different attitudes about money really.  
I found work at another barn.  It seems like it might work out nice.  Work for lessons.  They have trails and alot of room for riding, plus an arena for practice.  I rode on Friday.  I remembered a bit, but I really need to build up some muscle so I can ride correctly.  Posting the trot is hard, you need to sit up straight, heels down, hands down and go up and down, one two one two with the horse.  It's alot harder than it looks!Posting the trot Click that for a video. Really not to much more going on.  Tomatoes are coming in now, picked another zucchini today.  Still have several cabbage growing.  Our cat Simba disappeared again and has been gone several days, I think he might be dead.  I feel so sad about that.