Thursday, June 7, 2018

Busy little bee!

I have been very busy the last few weeks.  Going out to different events and taking lots of flower pictures.  I met a guy who lived in Schaghticoke, but I'm not holding my breath.  He doesn't really seem to have time for me.  We might go to the ocean next week and he has expressed interest in going with Sarah and I, so who knows.  
On Saturday, I went with the Peer to peer group to Mountain Adventure to go on the obstacle and zip line course.  It was a lot of fun.  I've been taking horsemanship classes as well on Fridays at Knipper Knolls.  Tonight, I went to PJ's BBQUSA for biker night and helped staff the table for Peer to peer.  Got a free chicken dinner!  That is one thing I love about this group, lots of fun free things and food!
I'm considering moving on from Gateway.  It is a great place, but I am having increasing difficulty with the noises.  It is affecting my work and I'm loosing hours.  I can't afford that.
I'm continuing to have mice giving birth!  I am going to have to attempt my first "gas chamber" this week.  I just have to find a suitable container to do it in.  I might just run a tube between two coffee canisters.  Finding a piece of tube is the hard part!

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

May 23, 2018

Today is going to be a beautiful day.  Lots of sunshine.  I have to do some weed-whacking and plant some seeds.  I met a guy.  Taking things slow.  His name is Richard.. haha, what a surprise.  He goes by Rick however.  He grew up on a dairy farm and is really into gardening etc.  We have so much in common it is scary.  He also drives a Buick!  Our coffee date turned into lunch and we spent 3 hours together.  He gives great hugs too.  I'm not going to hold my breath.  He does know about the breast cancer and doesn't seem worried about the fact that I don't have breasts.  God, that sounds awful, but it's the truth.  I can't count how many guys didn't want to date me after they found that out.  
I've been getting out to photograph flowers.  I need to post some pics in my other blog.  Gotta get out to see my Dad soon too.  Rick invited me to a festival in Greenwich on Saturday.  I want to go, but I'm skeptical about the parking situation.  It seems like the park is too small.  

Monday, May 7, 2018

Hooray for spring!

Thank God Spring is finally here!  It comes so slow and then rushes right in.  Daffodils and tulips blooming, leaves on the trees.
A big storm blew through on Friday night and three big trees snapped and fell on three houses, right in my row!  Debris fell in my yard.  I don't know how I have been so lucky so far.  I bet I'm next.  Old Grandfather and Grandmother pine are overdue!
I went bowling with the veterans group on Thursday, that was fun.  There is a trip to Mountain Adventure coming up.  

Monday, April 2, 2018

It's April already???

How did it get to be April already?  I just got back last week from another trip to Louisiana.  Yes, I drove again!  The trip was nice and smooth, but that drive is just mind-numbing.  I think next time I will fly!  It is cheaper in the long run.  I spent 6 nights in motels and probably $200 on gas, not to mention food.
It was nice to visit my family however.  My sister and I went to the zoo and I watched her get a tattoo.  I did some sightseeing and geocaching.  I have been out of work a couple months due to my hernia surgery and my trip.  I started back Saturday night, working 3 overnights in a row.  The check will be nice!  I really don't have anything new going on.  I think I will be doing some camping this year, I got a new tent and sleeping bag.  Also a mattress for the car's back seat.  I can use that in the tent as well.  
Sarah just got back from another successful Anime Boston.  I haven't seen many pictures yet.  Here is one her friend posted.

Her group, Idolized, hosted a meet up and had a dance party with other Love Live fans.  
I'm eagerly waiting for real spring to get here.  I have tulips and daffodils coming up.  It will be a while before they actually bloom, however.  

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Christmas Eve 2017

Thinking today about Christmases past.  How hard my Mom tried to make it nice for me, my sister and brother.  Having to stretch what few dollars she had.  My stepfather was miserly and I really don't remember my Dad going out of his way to get us gifts.  
My Mom loved playing Santa.  She would put all kinds of things in our stockings, fruit and nuts at the bottom, then little things like Bonnie Bell flavored lip balm, Lifesavers, always a candy cane!  When I still believed in Santa, it was always so magical to wake up on Christmas day to find my stocking on the foot of the bed.  I remember waking up and then poking around with my toes until I found it.  Hearing it rustle and feeling it's weight down there was so exciting.  I shared a bedroom with my sister, so the first one awake always woke up the other one.  We would get our brother and see what Santa left for us.  
As I got older, I would lay in bed awake, waiting for "Santa".  I would pretend to be asleep while my Mom would sneak in to put the stocking on the bed.  It was so hard not to giggle or react.  I was good and waited, well most of the time.  As I got older, I would take things out to see what was in there.  
We weren't allowed to come out of our rooms until my Mom and stepfather were up and had their coffee.  Then we were allowed in to the living room.  On Christmas eve we always had cookies and hot chocolate.  It was so exciting to wait for Santa.  I used to look out the window trying to see Rudolph's nose!
We had to be very careful unwrapping our gifts.  My Mom would save and reuse paper, so we were not allowed to tear into our gifts.  My stepfather didn't like us to show any sign of "greed".
We got gifts that would entertain us for a long time.  Games, crafts, sleds,etc..  My Mom would knit or crochet hats, mittens and scarfs. She always made a delicious dinner.  
As an adult, I spent a lot of money on my kids for Christmas.  I always tried to make it special for them.  After I had my daughter, her paternal Grandmother went crazy with gifts.  She would spend so much money, especially for Sarah.  I remember her first or second birthday, there were so many gifts, the tree was half covered!  
As I got older and my kids aren't little anymore, Christmas became more and more stressful for me.  I felt I had to buy gifts for everyone in my family.  I always felt as if it was never good enough.  I haven't put a tree up in about 3 years.  I was always afraid of the cats breaking my ornaments and Sarah was living at her Grandmother's house.  
Maybe someday I will find Christmas joy again.  This year, I am just watching from the sidelines and being grateful for what I already have.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

December

I am cold, freezing my ass off.  I hate winter and it isn't even winter yet!  I think I need a different space heater in my bedroom.  The one I have claims it is 73F in here but I'm sure it isn't!  I'll have to find a thermometer to check.  I've been using the wood stove occasionally but I won't have enough wood to last the winter if I use it every day.  The water heater has been replaced, finally!  The repairman was going to submit an estimate to do the ceiling.  I don't think the grant from the VA will cover it however.  I paid $450 toward the hot water heater and the grant was for $750.  After the rest of the heater is paid, there won't be much left over.  I guess I'll have to do it myself.  I bought a dehumidifier for the living room, so I'm hoping that will help with the condensation leaks.  I'm loosing a lot of heat however.  I keep the thermostat turned way down.  It is set around 55F.  

Friday, November 24, 2017

Thanksgiving

I had a very bad day yesterday.  All week in fact.  My water heater is dead and I have no water, waiting to get enough money to get the damn thing replaced.  I have been in contact with the county veteran agency for help and I can also contact social services for emergency cash.  I've been getting by, but so far the park manager has still not come down to shut the main off.  I'm going to leave him a letter in an envelope this time!
I was very depressed on Thanksgiving.  I had been planning on going to Lindsay's again, but between the festivities of the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade and the constant barrage of well wishes and people having fun on FB, I fell into a very depressed mood.  I was contemplating killing myself and wrote a couple pages of instructions and notes to my loved ones.  I poured out all my zanax to see if I would have enough.  I was planning on taking all those, plus all my blood pressure meds and trazadone.  I'm pretty sure that would have done the job.  Fall asleep and my blood pressure would bottom out.  
I am truly just sick of my life.  I get no joy and pleasure from it any more.  I become more and more isolated.  I am tired.  Tired of the monotony and not being able to keep myself in a decent home.  Not having enough money to get by.  Having to pinch pennies.  I can't even take a drive in my car because I don't want to waste gas.  
I'm just tired of it all.  
No one needs to call anyone to "help" me.  I am not going to do it.  I'm going to see if there are any social service agencies in the county that can help me.  Being disabled, I may qualify for some home help.