I have been dealing with a lot of anger issues. I am an angry person most of the time. Angry at myself, angry at my husband.
I'm angry at myself for being such a fool. Getting married to a man who blew smoke up my ass. Believing he would get a job. I was reading my post from Sept of 2008 when I first met him. That post was so full of red flags it wasn't even funny. Him not working, living with his sister, just out of a relationship. Meeting him online. He was and still is a major bullshit artist. I wrote him a letter a month ago telling him that I'm not happy and if things don't improve he will have to leave. I get a letter back starting with Linda Dear, we had it all we had nothing. We reached for the stars and only grabbed moon dust. What a crock of shit. Then he has the nerve to say something about me spending money and going to St. Croix! I supported his ass and kept us afloat for the last few years pretty much! He makes a little bit of money here and there and gets money from school, but he is going to have one big debt when he is finished with school, if he ever gets finished. He plans on going for a Masters degree when he finished his batchelors. And I'm supposed to stand around and wait for this big ass job he is supposed to get and make lots of money?
He brings up the fact that I acted like a shit when I had cancer. Well dear, how else am I supposed to act. I could possibly die and you just sit on your ass. I thought a man was supposed to help support his family? Screw you! He said he doesn't want a job that involves "manual labor". Awwwww poor baby! I'm going to tell him again, he can hit the bricks. I can wait until school is out and then he is gone. I can't take this anymore. I can't live with someone I despise. Just being in the same room with him makes me angry. Looking at him makes me angry.
I find myself thinking of excuses to keep him around. He will fix the car, fix this fix that. I used those excuses when I lived with an alcoholic abuser for 12 years. I'm not wasting another year of my life on someone I can't stand to be around. That's it.