Another trip to Albany

Tomorrow is another trip to Albany, this time with Sarah to her endocrinologist.  Her sugars have been terrible so I am hoping they will either let us put her back on the pump or increase her insulin or something.  I feel like I haven't been taking very good care of her lately due to my own problems.  I need to keep a log book in her kit to track her levels. 
I didn't feel very good this morning.  I got a little overwhelmed thinking of everything.  Getting ready for church, going to Albany, going to see my own PCP Monday afternoon.  I am just so TIRED.  We are supposed to get a big storm coming in Wed and that will probably be when they want to see me in Albany again.  I'm sure the lab results will be in by then.  I was told if they are negative I will get a surgical biopsy, but the way they worked me over on Friday makes me pretty sure they got some good samples.  I hope I didn't freak out or offend anyone with the graphic photos in my last blog.  Flikr flagged me so I took them off.  For some reason this website won't let me upload from my own computer directly like I used to.  I keep getting error messages.  I did make it to church today and enjoyed the sermon.  Pastor Brown prayed for me directly.  He asked me if I wanted to be annointed with oil but I was still feeling a little freaked out and I wasn't ready for that.  Maybe next week or so.  I don't want to have people feel like they need to feel sorry for me.  I do appreciate the support and well wishes I have received however.  I have gotten some good advice but feel it is so early in the game that I can't use it right now.  I wish we could get the show on the road here! 

Multiple biopsies

Today was biopsy day again at Albany Med.  The staff got me right in and I can't rave enough about the gentle, caring staff that took care of me today.  I was given an ultrasound first to locate the areas and the charge RN Barbara was at my side for the whole procedure.  Dr. Whitehead was so great.  She explained everything in detail.  I had several numbing shots and she took several biopsies from the main mass and then from the affected lymph node near my armpit.  Then she moved onto the right breast and took biopsies there.  They then placed 3 markers under the skin in the areas.  I now have titanium in me!  I have attached some pictures of the bandaged up area.  They aren't too pretty, but it is what I'm dealing with.  I am a little uncomfortable but not to much.
 


Pictures have been removed due to possible objectional content.

Biopsies tomorrow

I am going back down to Albany tomorrow to get several biopsies done on the main mass and the mini mass that they suspect is a lymph node.  The MRI also showed up two suspicious areas in the right breast so they will biopsy those also.  I am going to be a pincushion!  Just want a diagnosis so I can move forward with treatment.  I want to get out and try to do something today.  Even if it is just getting to the pet store for meal worms for the lizard.  Pick up something for dinner.  Rich made a great potroast last night, so maybe that will be leftovers.  My appetite has not been that great.  I get hungry but have been eating less. 

Freezing cold and MRI's

We went down to Albany yesterday.  Three blocks from the hospital we hit the Moby Dick of potholes.  It was too late when I saw it to warn Rich and BANG!  That pothole was so big I couldn't see the bottom of it!  Needless to say, we had a flat tire when we arrived at the hospital.  I went in and they took me in right away for the MRI.  I have to tell you that was such a painful procedure with my back the way it is.  My upper back immediately seized up and I was in agony for 1/2 hr.  Laying there still with my head on this rester.  Then my head started hurting.  I was nearly in tears by the time they were done and just getting off the table was torture.  I had to lay face down with my boobs in these holes by the way.  Click on boobs in holes to see a picture of the table.  Mine was not pink.

I found out today that they now want to see all my old mammo's from up here in Saratoga, so Saratoga is MAILING them down.  I am so upset that this is taking so long.  Why can't anyone just tell me what the hell is growing in me?

My breast mass journey summary

I first found a small lump above my left nipple about a year ago and the nipple began retracting.  I kept an eye on it waiting for it to go away on its own.  Finally when my sister came to visit in May of last year I had her look at it and she freaked and told me to go to a Dr.  My regular Dr. was very concerned and had me go get a mammo and ultrasound.  The mammo picked up nothing and the ultrasound just revealed cysts.  Meanwhile I still had this hard mass above my nipple and it actually goes down and around it deep into the breast tissue.  I had a small core biopsy done by guided ultrasound and that came back negative.  Personally I think the Dr. took the sample from the wrong area.  The surgeon I saw pretty much dismissed it saying I was too young for cancer, no family history etc.  I asked him what the hard mass was and he said "I don't know but if it still bothers you come back in a couple months".  I was pretty disgusted by the whole was I was blown off and ended up loosing my health insurance anyhow.  Now that I have it back I went back to my PCP and she sent me to a specialist in Albany, NY.  She took one look at my breast (which has a nearly full nipple retraction by now) and said "Oh my goodness".  She did two needle biopsies right there and I have an MRI scheduled for this Monday (this was previously suggested by the last ultrasound reading but ignored by surgeon #1)  The biopsy came back with "atypical cells".  This mass fills my entire palm when I grasp it.  It is about the size of a softball cut in half.  Dr. is talking about doing a core biopsy after the MRI. 

The weight of the world

I have been so stressed out lately.  Going to Four Winds doing the outpatient program, coming home and taking care of the kids, trying to help around the house, trying to get sleep and trying to spend time with Rich.  Not to mention the bills that aren't getting paid..  I am not going to be able to go to school this spring because of the upcoming surgery and I have applied for Social Security Disability and will probably be turned down and have to get a lawyer.  I can't collect unemployment because I told the Feds I am not able to work.  I feel like I just screwed myself and the whole family over.  I am going to look into other options and in the meantime have applied for food stamps and will apply for HEAP.  Waiting for my landlord to give me a letter I need.  I hope he isn't waiting for rent before he gives it to me!
I am just really struggling mentally right now because I have been the responsible one for so long, for so many years and I not only feel guilty, I feel afraid too.  I am glad we will be getting income tax return soon, we will have to spend it wisely, on bills and living expenses etc..  
My Mom isn't doing well, she thinks she will be passing on soon.  She just feels weaker and weaker.  I just hope I can see her one more time before that happens...

Happy New Year?

Yes, it is officially a new year.  I don't celebrate New Year's eve.  Always found it to be overrated.  Leave it to the drunks.  I tried to go to bed but found myself lying away as usual and then had an allergy attack.  While waiting for the sudafed to kick in I heard the fireworks going off 5 miles away in Saratoga.  My husband was snoring next to me.  I finally gave up and took one of his Ambien.  I need them more than he does!  
Tomorrow Rich and I are going to spend $40 and try something new.  We are going to go take a beginners Polo lesson.  Yes, polo as on a horse with a mallet and chasing a ball!  Lets hope we keep it to a walk the first night!  
On Monday I go Four Winds for my first day.  I have to have one full day and then I go three days a week for 1/2 day.  On my days off and in the mornings, I will have to finish up getting ready for school and go to the specialist in Albany for my breast.  The lump in it is very large and my breast is quite misshapen.  I can imagine I will have to have surgery.  I want to get it removed what ever it is.  It is large and uncomfortable.  Anyhow, back to Four Winds, I am going to get an evaluation and probably get new meds.  I am hoping they can come up with some diagnosis.  I seem to have some symptoms of bi-polar disorder and may have been not on the right type of meds all along.  
In Feb Rich and I have reservations to take a bus trip to Atlantic City.  We will be staying at The Tropicana!  I am not planning on spending much if any time in the actual casino.  I want to go out and walk on the boardwalk and go to the aquarium and do some sightseeing.  I want to go back to Washington D.C. this year too.  Rich and I should get some passports in case a good deal comes up to travel.  Well I am hoping for a happy and healthy new year and wish the same to all my family and friends.