Thanksgiving

I had a very bad day yesterday.  All week in fact.  My water heater is dead and I have no water, waiting to get enough money to get the damn thing replaced.  I have been in contact with the county veteran agency for help and I can also contact social services for emergency cash.  I've been getting by, but so far the park manager has still not come down to shut the main off.  I'm going to leave him a letter in an envelope this time!
I was very depressed on Thanksgiving.  I had been planning on going to Lindsay's again, but between the festivities of the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade and the constant barrage of well wishes and people having fun on FB, I fell into a very depressed mood.  I was contemplating killing myself and wrote a couple pages of instructions and notes to my loved ones.  I poured out all my zanax to see if I would have enough.  I was planning on taking all those, plus all my blood pressure meds and trazadone.  I'm pretty sure that would have done the job.  Fall asleep and my blood pressure would bottom out.  
I am truly just sick of my life.  I get no joy and pleasure from it any more.  I become more and more isolated.  I am tired.  Tired of the monotony and not being able to keep myself in a decent home.  Not having enough money to get by.  Having to pinch pennies.  I can't even take a drive in my car because I don't want to waste gas.  
I'm just tired of it all.  
No one needs to call anyone to "help" me.  I am not going to do it.  I'm going to see if there are any social service agencies in the county that can help me.  Being disabled, I may qualify for some home help.