Friday, April 18, 2014

Spring?

Spring is trying to get here.  It started off slow, had a few warm days, now we are back to cold.  I am almost out of propane again, but I do still have some firewood.  Classes.. I'm writing finals and it is a nightmare!  Especially the Critical writing and thinking class.  Horrid!  I will settle for a C I just want it to be over!  My washing machine broke, won't spin out.  Now I have to try to figure out what is wrong with it.  In the meantime I have a load of soggy wet clothes that need to go to the laundry mat.  At least I have to be over there anyhow to stop in and see my tutor. 
I'm wondering if I took on too much with going back to school.  No housework gets done, well just the basics and only when it gets too disgusting.  I feel frozen and paralyzed most of the time.  I find excuses not to do things.  I feel like a lousy mother because I am not really involved.  It isn't that I don't want to be, I just feel I don't know.. hard to describe.  Too wrapped up in my own issues maybe, but that isn't right either because I take care of Sarah, get her to appts etc.. maybe it is just that she is pulling away from me. I'm worried that she is going to turn out like me, desperate and lonely.  At least she isn't hideous like I was at that age.  I'm fighting to keep the boys out of her pants, or up her skirt.  I think just 3 1/2 more years and she will be 18 and I will be graduating.  I hope to God I can get out of this shit hole I am living in.  I need to start bagging crap up and tossing it, it would be easier to keep the house clean if I wasn't surrounded by heaps of crap!  Mini hoarder I am.  I've got several empty boxes in my bedroom, why?  Because I might need them for something. 
Looks like the park owner is here and giving the park manager issues, park manager is a loser, full of lies and excuses.  I have to get my yard cleaned up soon.  Next week is clean up for the town, I have crap to go! 

2 comments:

  1. I hate to hear life has been so hard and overwhelming on you of late. To try to make a better path for yourself with education sounds like a solid idea. It is true, less clutter and crap can make life seem a little easier. Bug will be 15 in July. So far, she's on track. But we have had a few issues with her not applying herself all she could to her school work. I'd say carving out any connection time time with Sarah would be worth the investment. Sometimes Bug and I talk the whole time I'm in the kitchen preparing supper. Sometimes I go down to her bedroom and we visit and catch up. Life & Faith in Caneyhead

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