Here we are in the midst of a pandemic called the Corona virus, or the "Chinese" virus as our eloquent and racist president likes to call it. Asshole.
We are all supposed to be practicing social distancing. I did get some food stocked up and toilet paper. Stores are running out of the most common items due to people hoarding. Toilet paper, bread, tuna fish and other canned meats. I'm out of bread and the last time I went to the store, the shelves were empty.
My agoraphobia is working overtime. I really want to go out to Heather's house and work with the horses and visit, but my good old brain keeps making excuses. I'm supposed to be practicing social distances anyway.
My tulips and daffodils are starting to come up and we are getting a snow storm tomorrow with 4-8 inches predicted. Oh joy!
We have a new park manager. He seems really nice. Italian and very NYC! He was going around doing lot inspections. I know I'll get dinged, but it shouldn't be much to fix up the issues. I already know that they are.
Sunday, March 22, 2020
Sunday, February 9, 2020
Febrrrruary
We have been having a pretty mild winter so far until a couple days ago. We had an ice storm and it was topped off with a few inches of heavy snow. My power didn't go out, but it was out for miles around me. It is pretty cold this morning. About 10F. I've been having my usual allergies and a bit of bronchitis and sinus issues.
I've been getting nothing done. The sink is piled high with dishes. I need to go to the store again. Maybe one of these days I will smarten up and get enough food to last for more than a few days.
My neck is still sore. I bought a new memory foam mattress and pillows, but the pillows are too fat! They are really comfortable, but put my head up too high, which doesn't help the neck issue.
My Mom's birthday is in 9 days. I was originally planning on going down for a visit, but decided not to. I will take a longer vacation in the spring when the weather is nicer and hopefully can do some more camping and sightseeing on the way down. By then I won't have to worry about the pipes freezing or the house running out of propane, etc.. I will have to find someone willing to take care of my animals though. I think my client's daughter would enjoy taking care of the guinea pigs. She is a really sweet girl.
Not much else going on right now. Oh I had a dream about the eye Dr. again. I must have a secret crush on him or something. I dreamt we were dating and he was going to leave his wife. We were out in public together but he wanted me to pretend we weren't together. I was getting very upset with his neglect and tried to walk home. Of course obstacles were thrown in my way. I think I was secretly hoping he would come after me. He had offered me a ride home, but I wanted to show him my displeasure by saying no. He had two of his male friends in the care and they were kind of laughing. In real life, I think he is a nice guy and I probably did have a bit of a crush on him, but I would never dream of dating a married man. I've met his wife and she is very nice.
I've been getting nothing done. The sink is piled high with dishes. I need to go to the store again. Maybe one of these days I will smarten up and get enough food to last for more than a few days.
My neck is still sore. I bought a new memory foam mattress and pillows, but the pillows are too fat! They are really comfortable, but put my head up too high, which doesn't help the neck issue.
My Mom's birthday is in 9 days. I was originally planning on going down for a visit, but decided not to. I will take a longer vacation in the spring when the weather is nicer and hopefully can do some more camping and sightseeing on the way down. By then I won't have to worry about the pipes freezing or the house running out of propane, etc.. I will have to find someone willing to take care of my animals though. I think my client's daughter would enjoy taking care of the guinea pigs. She is a really sweet girl.
Not much else going on right now. Oh I had a dream about the eye Dr. again. I must have a secret crush on him or something. I dreamt we were dating and he was going to leave his wife. We were out in public together but he wanted me to pretend we weren't together. I was getting very upset with his neglect and tried to walk home. Of course obstacles were thrown in my way. I think I was secretly hoping he would come after me. He had offered me a ride home, but I wanted to show him my displeasure by saying no. He had two of his male friends in the care and they were kind of laughing. In real life, I think he is a nice guy and I probably did have a bit of a crush on him, but I would never dream of dating a married man. I've met his wife and she is very nice.
Monday, January 20, 2020
Leaving the house-Kathy-Woodkid-temp blanket
Agoraphobia is still rearing it's ugly head. I haven't been taking really good care of myself. I put off shopping for food until I am completely out of options except maybe canned vegetables that are years old. Once I go and get back I feel great, but the thought of leaving the house makes me feel so anxious. I have so much to be grateful for, but I let myself be crippled by this. One good thing about it is that I save money!
My cousin, Kathy is dying. She has a rare form of early onset dementia and is now on hospice. I cannot go and see her. That side of the family is very insular and keeps a tight circle. They have gone through so much in the last 20 years. My cousin's wife, who I was really close to, Ginny died of breast cancer. Then John, my cousin was diagnosed of brain cancer and has died. His daughter was killed in an accident. Both of my aunt's died on that side of the family, my uncle died and now my cousin Kathy is dying.
Ok whining over.
I discovered a new artist that I like. Woodkid. The music is amazing and his vocals are magical. He has been around for a few years, but I only just found him. I was watching Nathan Chen's gold medal skate for the World championships and Woodkid was his selection of music.
I'm working on a temperature blanket for the year. I started it using what colors I had on hand. Pinks, blues, white. I'll have to get another color soon for below the teens and below zero! I'm going by the average day time temp for each day. Not the highest or lowest.
We got about 7 inches of snow Saturday night. It is cold. I need to shovel a path out to the bird feeders. I've been making my own bird treats with peanut butter. The birds like it a lot. I'll have to remember to check the meat department to see if they have any beef suet.
My cousin, Kathy is dying. She has a rare form of early onset dementia and is now on hospice. I cannot go and see her. That side of the family is very insular and keeps a tight circle. They have gone through so much in the last 20 years. My cousin's wife, who I was really close to, Ginny died of breast cancer. Then John, my cousin was diagnosed of brain cancer and has died. His daughter was killed in an accident. Both of my aunt's died on that side of the family, my uncle died and now my cousin Kathy is dying.
Ok whining over.
I discovered a new artist that I like. Woodkid. The music is amazing and his vocals are magical. He has been around for a few years, but I only just found him. I was watching Nathan Chen's gold medal skate for the World championships and Woodkid was his selection of music.
I'm working on a temperature blanket for the year. I started it using what colors I had on hand. Pinks, blues, white. I'll have to get another color soon for below the teens and below zero! I'm going by the average day time temp for each day. Not the highest or lowest.
We got about 7 inches of snow Saturday night. It is cold. I need to shovel a path out to the bird feeders. I've been making my own bird treats with peanut butter. The birds like it a lot. I'll have to remember to check the meat department to see if they have any beef suet.
Monday, November 4, 2019
Bad habit rearing it's ugly head
My bad habit of obsessing is trying to take me over again. I was stupid and put an ad on Craigslist to find someone to do things with. One person that intrigues me is named Bruce. Unfortunately, I am now obsessing over him. Constantly checking my email and fretting when he doesn't answer me. I hate that side of me and I need to stop.
So far, this fall has been boring. I have mostly stayed home and haven't been out hiking or doing anything really since I went to the coast with Travis. The cold weather is coming.
I need to get under the house and see if I can find that spot where the hole is in the ducts. Also see if I can reach the water pipes going to the bathroom so I can put heat tape on them.
It's going to be a nice day and I don't want to waste it.
So far, this fall has been boring. I have mostly stayed home and haven't been out hiking or doing anything really since I went to the coast with Travis. The cold weather is coming.
I need to get under the house and see if I can find that spot where the hole is in the ducts. Also see if I can reach the water pipes going to the bathroom so I can put heat tape on them.
It's going to be a nice day and I don't want to waste it.
Monday, October 14, 2019
I had a dream this morning that was so intense. I was married to a man and he was abducted by an evil race of beings that lived underground and they were using him for experiments or something. I went and rescued him and when I got him home this love I felt for him was so intense. I can't even describe it but when I woke up I felt as if I lost someone. It really hurt and upsets me. I have never felt love like that for a man. I know I will get over
A trip to Maine and Massachussets.
A couple weeks ago, my son and I went on a trip to the east coast. We stayed in Wells, ME and visited Ogunquit and then went down the coast to Gloucester for a few hours.
Ogunquit was beautiful. We walked the Marginal Way up and back. Took a trip on a boat to see how lobsters are caught and watched the surf pound the rocks.
We must have walked about 7 miles that day. I was exhausted and could barely move! We walked a little more in Gloucester. That is a nice little town, I really enjoyed it. We took a ride around the harbor and saw the Wicked Tuna boats and some of the places from The Perfect Storm.
Since I've been back however, I've been struggling with depression. Not wanting to leave the house, feeling guilty about it. Forcing myself to go do things. I feel like I'm just wasting my life away, staring out the window, wishing I could just GO. I had six days off and did nothing. Thought I met someone nice online and he turned out to be a jerk just like the rest of them.
I feel critically damaged. There is something about me that drives people away. Or I drive them away. I feel like my life is a charade. People always say how brave I am and think I'm cool for going out and doing all these things. I'm not brave or cool, I'm a con artist. A clown hiding behind a mask. I'm damaged goods. All the pep talks in the world can't change my mind. I'm like that lady in the depression medication commercial who hides behind the smiley face. I will call next tomorrow and make an appointment to see my counselor. I see Dr. G next week. It's so beautiful outside, the trees are so pretty. I'm sitting inside.
I impulsively went to the animal shelter and got a guinea pig. She is cute, her name in Cinnamon. I am going outside now to pick her some clover and grass.
Ogunquit was beautiful. We walked the Marginal Way up and back. Took a trip on a boat to see how lobsters are caught and watched the surf pound the rocks.
We must have walked about 7 miles that day. I was exhausted and could barely move! We walked a little more in Gloucester. That is a nice little town, I really enjoyed it. We took a ride around the harbor and saw the Wicked Tuna boats and some of the places from The Perfect Storm.
Since I've been back however, I've been struggling with depression. Not wanting to leave the house, feeling guilty about it. Forcing myself to go do things. I feel like I'm just wasting my life away, staring out the window, wishing I could just GO. I had six days off and did nothing. Thought I met someone nice online and he turned out to be a jerk just like the rest of them.
I feel critically damaged. There is something about me that drives people away. Or I drive them away. I feel like my life is a charade. People always say how brave I am and think I'm cool for going out and doing all these things. I'm not brave or cool, I'm a con artist. A clown hiding behind a mask. I'm damaged goods. All the pep talks in the world can't change my mind. I'm like that lady in the depression medication commercial who hides behind the smiley face. I will call next tomorrow and make an appointment to see my counselor. I see Dr. G next week. It's so beautiful outside, the trees are so pretty. I'm sitting inside.
I impulsively went to the animal shelter and got a guinea pig. She is cute, her name in Cinnamon. I am going outside now to pick her some clover and grass.
Friday, July 26, 2019
Deep thoughts
Today I was looking at the FB page of a boy I went to school with. I had a big crush on him in Jr. high. It looks like he did very well in life. College degree, great job, beautiful wife. Right now he is on a luxury vacation tour in Tanzania, Africa.
It makes me wonder how some people from the same peer group are so successful in life and others just flounder? I realize that family wealth and success have a lot to do with it. So does hard work and good choices in life. Some is just plain luck.
I think about how I grew up and the choices I made as an adult that led me to where I am today. It is all a matter of perspective I suppose. To millions of people on earth, I am considered a "wealthy" woman. To other millions, I am considered poor and a "leech" on society.
After the debacle with Rich and my unsuccessful bid to break free, I am back to where I started. I want comfort and security, but I also want to break from this tedious life that I live. Maybe I should just sell the house for a couple thousand and be done with it! No more rent, electric and cable bills, no more propane bills, just me, my car and a tent.
It makes me wonder how some people from the same peer group are so successful in life and others just flounder? I realize that family wealth and success have a lot to do with it. So does hard work and good choices in life. Some is just plain luck.
I think about how I grew up and the choices I made as an adult that led me to where I am today. It is all a matter of perspective I suppose. To millions of people on earth, I am considered a "wealthy" woman. To other millions, I am considered poor and a "leech" on society.
After the debacle with Rich and my unsuccessful bid to break free, I am back to where I started. I want comfort and security, but I also want to break from this tedious life that I live. Maybe I should just sell the house for a couple thousand and be done with it! No more rent, electric and cable bills, no more propane bills, just me, my car and a tent.
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