At the base of the mountains

I might be going to St. Croix!

2012-01-09T11:11:00.000-08:00

My son is going with his Dad and his girlfriend (who used to be my brother's wife) to St. Croix again this Feb. He asked me if I wanted to go and he will pay for my ticket. I would love to go! I already told my husband I may be going. He doesn't mind but I will have to see if it is alright with Sarah's grandmother because I think she will be in school that week. She will also be on her insulin pump by then and Grandma doesn't know how to do the set change. I can either teach her or take Sarah off the pump while I'm gone. Grandma gets very nervous about anything new. She is always afraid she will do something to hurt Sarah.
Speaking of Sarah, the primpy princess managed to miss the bus this morning by taking to long to get up and ready! She walked out the door just to see it go by. I had to drive her to school. Grrrr.
Anyway, I'm already planning on what I want to do and see while in St. Croix. I want to go on a snorkeling trip. I want to go horseback riding. I want to tour the gardens, historic sites and distillery. There is so much to do! I have never been to the Caribbean so this will be so nice! This is a picture I snagged from Travis from his trip last year.

Little things

2012-01-06T20:12:00.000-08:00

Just watched The Five people you meet in Heaven. Makes you think about what the story says.. that everything you do, everyone you meet or encounter, can change that persons life. The other day at CVS I saw an elderly woman on her knees feeling around the floor for something. I asked her if she needed help and she said she thought she dropped a dime or a quarter. I looked but didn't see it and reached in my pocket and I had a quarter in it and I gave it to her. She said "oh no you don't have to do that". I then pretended it was the quarter she lost. She was so happy. Maybe it is just a little thing but at the moment it was everything. Most people could care less if they drop a dime or a quarter and couldn't find it, but to her it was something. She probably grew up in the depression or perhaps is on a fixed income. What ever the case I was glad I could help her even if I was devious. How many others would of walked by? I have a strong love in my heart for the elderly after having worked with them for 18 years. The urge to help never goes away. Some people from the church and I went to the nursing home I used to work at and this old gentleman was in a chair and I thought he was going to stand up and I rushed forward to stop him. I don't work there anymore, I could of just stood there but I couldn't. I saw several people there that night that I knew, people I worked with and residents that knew me and it makes me feel so good that they are happy to see me. I hope I made a difference because that is what life is all about isn't it? Love and caring for your fellow man.

This is my Mom, she loved to bake and made the best cheesecakes! I think I got my caring heart from her. I love you Mom!

Tired and bored...

2012-01-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year to everyone. I had a great New Years Eve. Went over to Pastor Kurt and Sharon's house.    There was lots of yummies to eat and then we played a very funny game of Balderdash. I haven't laughed like that in such a long time!

I am still considering reconstructive surgery to get a new breast. I would get skin taken from my abdomen and have it put up on the chest, then the other breast would get a lift done to it. I would have two new breasts and a tummy tuck! It is a big surgery however and I'm sure a painful recovery.   I am scheduled to see the surgeon on the 16th of this month. I should just go for it, sure would help with my body image and how I feel about myself. I've had all kinds of surgeries and can tough this one out too.   I think the worst surgeries I have has were the hernia surgeries. Those were very painful after.

We are in the middle of a cold snap.   It is only 15F at 2:00PM today but by the weekend we are supposed to be in the 40's. We still haven't had any big snow storms yet this year. Last year we had a lot of snow in February so I'm sure we won't have too long to wait!

My Wild bird cam

2012-01-02T05:29:00.000-08:00

I have a live feed of my bird feeders right outside my window. You can check out the birds, squirrels, weather, trailer park folks etc.. Live! USTREAM

Christmas is here and gone!

2011-12-26T14:52:00.000-08:00

I am not a big fan of Christmas. It is not that I don't enjoy the lights or the reason for the holiday. I hate the commercialism and greed. I hate seeing people act like animals on Black Friday. I hate reading about how someone went nuts and killed their entire family. Or the fires or natural disasters that displace people. I know these things happen every year. I guess it is just that the older I get the less tolerant I am. The kids all seem to only think of getting presents. I got gifts from my 12 year old daughter this year. The other kids blew everyone off. Even the 20 year old that works. The only one he got gifts for was his father. He works at Walmart for goodness sake! I gave him a list!

I also have a feeling of inadequacy. I for years bought for just about everyone I knew. I can't do that anymore. Immediate family only now! The kids seemed happy with what they got. Of course Sarah got a double dose, because she went to her Grandma's after and got tons of stuff plus a hundred dollars from her Dad and $100 gift card from her uncle! I think the best thing about Christmas this year was the service at church! Living Springs.

Anyhow, a lot has happened since August when I last blogged. I am not in treatment anymore! I am finished. I am due for a CAT scan in March. Also visiting the breast surgeon in Jan to discuss reconstruction. I should just jump in the water and do it! Going thru life as a woman with one breast is hard. Having two and a tummy tuck would be the bomb!

As usual I will add a couple pictures that I have taken. First is a sunset of course, second is my new hair!

Third is our first snowfall of the year. Last is some pigs. I like that picture. Shows just their backs but I love the colors. I love pigs in general. We raised some when I was a kid.

Trains

2011-08-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

Here in Saratoga County there are railroad tracks that crisscross everywhere. Many country roads here have RR crossings including the one I live on now. When I was in school and riding the bus we went on one route that went past the tracks on Bockes Rd. in Greenfield. Sometimes we would be fortunate enough to have to wait for a train! All the kids would be so excited because if we could we would count how many cars went by. Can you imagine the whole busload of children counting, 1, 2, 3 etc.. as the train went by. Sometimes it was just the sleek and fast Amtrak which was not possible to count. Most often is was the ponderous freight trains coming from Corinth or some other northern town. All those train tracks lay dormant for years and years after the mills in Corinth and north shut down. Now we have the Saratoga and North Creek Railway that comes through and I just love to hear the train going by. I can't quite see it because of the trees but one of these days I'm going to go down to the tracks and record it coming by! I have a video clip on my Facebook page of the sound of it. You can listen to it HERE. We are also planning on riding it this fall and go up to North Creek for a few hours and play tourist.

Manners

2011-08-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

I was brought up with fairly strict about manners. I was taught not to interrupt adults, to chew with my mouth closed. To use my napkin, let others be served first. Sit like a lady, not to belch or pass gas in public. Wear clean underwear, not to talk back to adults. Say please and thank you. I'm sure most of you know what I mean by the basics of manners. I have to say I am shocked by the kids I see these days. Talking rudely to adults, eating with their mouths open and with food in them. Shoving and pushing by adults. Always having to be first to get food at dinner time. Being taught by adults to act tough and "gangsta". Being encouraged to fight. I have tried to raise my kids with manners. My son I did pretty good, my daughter can be very rude to me but is polite in public and in school. My stepson is a whole different story. I told him today he must be a throw back to the Neaderthals and he didn't know what meant. He thinks it is funny to fart out loud and in groups of people, especially at school. He will jam large quantities of food in his mouth and let it dangle out while chewing. I could go on all day about his behavior. I find it just shocking and upsetting. One of the big problems in my marriage is the behavior of this kid. I try talking to my husband about it but he basically said that the kid is too old now to teach him anything? I said "Are you out of your mind? He is only 14. This kid refuses to brush his teeth because he said it makes "food taste funny" after.
I need to see my counselor and talk to my stepson's counselor too before I loose my mind!

Baby got new shoes?

2011-08-14T11:22:00.000-07:00

This memory is from when I was very young maybe 3 or 4. My older sister Brenda and I were playing with the boy next door. His name was George McIntyre. George by the way is my friend on Facebook and has been living in Vietnam, I believe teaching English. Anyhow we had a record player outside on the lawn near his yard and we were playing records. For some reason I remember the song was something about Baby's got new shoes. Maybe I'm wrong or confused. I remember the green grass and it was sunny.
Maybe George will remember the record player and us playing records.

Fishing

2011-08-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

My Mom taught me how to fish when I was a little girl. We had a small creek that ran through the back of the property. I loved the rare opportunities I got to run out and grab my fishing pole and dig up a couple worms and head to the creek. I learned quickly where the wily little brook trout loved to hang out in the deep pools and under the cut outs in the bank. I had no style of course, I just dangled the worm in until I got a bite and yanked! Most of the time I got nothing, but sometimes a fat little trout would come flying out and land in the bushes behind me. The even got stuck in trees sometimes. I bet those trout wondered what the heck happened! I would run home with the fish to show my Mom most of the time. We kept and ate the bigger ones and the little ones we put in the pond that my stepfather had made. I would love to go fish in that pond now, I bet it is full of trout!

Strange life

2011-08-11T18:38:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about what a strange life I have had. I've been places and done things and experienced so much. I know a lot of things in my life are and have been unpleasant but I feel like writing about them sometimes. Not to place blame or to shame anyone but just to maybe help myself reflect and figure out why I am the way I am. There is no way I can put things in chronological order. So I will just put down memories and try to remember when these things happened. I will mix the happy with the sad. The bad with the good. I have done many shameful things but many things I am proud of also. I think it would be redundant to start with, I was born and try to recount things in order. My memory is not that good! I don't remember being born. I know we were poor. My Mom told me how poor we were and how my Dad and her struggled to raise three kids. My Dad built our house we lived in. It had tar paper on it as long as I could remember. He dug the well himself. I don't remember much about living with my Dad because we left when I was very young. I can really only remember a couple of things that happened living with my Dad. I am not going to start remembering things in this entry. I guess it is just going to be a start. An introduction of sorts. This picture is of me and my sister. I am in red.

Summer time

2011-07-10T05:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in such a long time! Things are going along as usual. Travis got a job at Wal-mart and his first night was last night. He took the bus to work from the train station. Which reminds me that I want to hide a cache there! There are some pretty interesting works of art and I think I will place a cache under one! I found it ironic that the pieces were created at Salem art works where I just went caching with my Dad on Father's Day!

I have really been enjoying the birds this year. There has been numerous species with babies this year and I feel like I've been a part of that happening with my feeders.

The garden is going along. We have only harvested lettuce so far but the church garden has produced zucchini, beans and peas for the first time yesterday! I was pleased to give one of our church members the first harvest!

I just went out and checked my trumpet vine. I have had it for 5 years and I think it is going to bloom. I found buds on the ends of 3 vines! I need to put a trellis up for them. They were growing over the top of the shed but Rich got upset over it saying they would rip off the tiles so they are draped over the side. I need to rig some support up for them.

I have finished my A/C portion of chemo and will start on the Taxol tomorrow. The Dr. thinks it will be much easier on me. I hope so. The Rochester Air show is next weekend and I would like to go. I am not going to book a room until I am sure of the weather. It is a 4 hour drive out and back. Rich is hesitant to take the car due to the transmission problem. I know that most of the miles will be highway miles so I think it will be ok. The kids would be free to get in. I think if we take turns driving we can do it in a day, there and back and save on a hotel. We can decide when it gets later on in the week. Besides Rich and I are planning a trip to Atlantic City to see the Airshow next month. If it rains we will spend the time touring casinos I guess. No gambling however! Or we can just cancel the trip. Next month I am also going on my Casting for recovery retreat! Very excited about that! It is free too!

I have a few entries for the fair this year. Flowers, antiques, veggies. Hope the veggies get going soon! Might have to Miracle gro them! I am also entering culinary with a chocolate cake. So that is what is going on in my life right now.. not too exciting.

Great website for us clipping coupons crazies

2011-05-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

This website is fantastic for ideas on how to save money! Join today!$Cippin4ACause$

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

I would like to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day today. I wish I could give my Mommy a gift today, but I will be sending her a package soon with some old family photos and a surprise! Myself.. I received a bleeding heart plant, solar lights, a gift card and flowers and a cake!

I was feeling pretty depressed and sorry for myself yesterday. I didn't go to the Mother's Day tea at church because I just didn't feel like sitting around and smiling and trying to be happy. I will go to church today and be happy there. Maybe during the sermon we can get the bigger kids outside to start the garden. I will see who is in charge of the class today and ask them. Or we can do it after during fellowship. Need to get those seeds in the ground soon!

I am having a hard time dealing with being bald. I am having a hard time dealing with only having one breast. I feel very self conscious. I try to project a positive appearance on the outside but inside I'm cringing. Not that I'm a supermodel to begin with but I don't want people to look at me and feel sorry for me. I have been getting the pity smile occasionally in public. I just smile back and go on my way. No one asks questions. I just had one lady approach me out of the blue and tell me to stop by her spa and get some cooling gel for when I start chemo! I haven't worn my wig. I feel like that will make me stand out even more. It is too tight anyhow. I am supposed to go to look good feel good at the Cancer center on Monday and I will take it with me and see if they can fix it. I'm hoping to get a prosthesis soon too. Waiting for insurance approval. Those light weight puffs don't cut it. I look lopsided! Maybe I can put a rock in it! LOL Anyhow I am trying to enjoy spring and my birds and the sunshine. Blessings to all!

Big G cereal and giveaway!

2011-05-03T07:14:00.001-07:00

Big G cereal and giveaway!

Pain and more pain...

2011-05-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

Ok I am going to whine just a little.. My back has been killing me! Ok that is enough.. LOL Spring has finally arrived here in the Northeast and things are just beautiful. I really enjoy this time of year. It is not too hot and we are finally seeing leaves and flowers. The migratory birds are coming back. I had my first hummingbird three days ago! That is early for me! I have pansies out in the boxes on the deck.
Chemo has been easier this time except for some strange pain in my shoulders and my back of course. I have a little bit of numbness in my fingertips. I need to get to the store and get some seeds to start soon. Also bedding plants for food, cabbage, broccoli etc.. It is too early to start tomatoes but we can get some cold weather stuff going.
Here are a couple spring pictures! Red trillium and skunk cabbage!

The buzz happened!

2011-04-29T09:59:00.000-07:00

My hair was falling out in clumps, so it was time to buzz it!

My very short hair and my new wig

2011-04-26T15:38:00.000-07:00

Beautiful wild flower

2011-04-26T12:13:00.000-07:00

This beautiful flower is growing in my back yard. Hoping for some ID help! Update I believe this is Siberian Squill!

On vacation

2011-04-01T07:45:00.001-07:00

I'm in Louisiana visting my Mom and brother etc. for the week. It is nice to get away from all the stress and just relax! Everything is so green down here and it will be up to 80 F today! Just beautiful! Snowing back home. Ha! Starting chemo a week after I get back however.. sucks.

New Bzz Agent campaign!

2011-03-24T16:23:00.001-07:00

I love Bzz Agent and Bzzing about new products.

Clams

2011-03-11T16:14:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine on Facebook and someone I know personally mentioned that her son had her buy clams at the store. That reminded me of something funny that happened when I first got out of the Air Force. My brother Rich and I went to a bar/restaurant in Saratoga Springs for lunch. The name of the place was Madame Jumel's. It is named after a famous Victorian lady who was quite famous in her day in Saratoga. He ordered clams for us. I had never had clams before. Back then my brother was quite the drinker and he and I had a couple drinks waiting for our clams. I was getting quite tipsy by the time they came and we started eating them. My brother is somewhat of a cut up and was taking the clam shells and making them talk using funny voices. I was laughing so hard I was almost wetting my pants and everyone was staring at us. I didn't care! Always had a good time with my brother. I still do and he has been sober several years now! One time he had me in a shopping cart and was pushing me down the street in it. We actually got pulled over by a police car! I bet that was the first time they pulled over someone riding in a shopping cart! They told us to stop because it was dangerous. I got out and we waited until they left and he got me back in and took off with me down Caroline St. Caroline St has a very steep hill and goes right past a lot of bars etc.. I was laughing and screaming my head off and then we saw the cop car again. We abandoned the shopping cart and took off into a bar. I sure love my brother, he has made my life very interesting! Here is a picture of him at my wedding! In the first picture he is standing with Tom Maily who used to be a reporter on a local TV station and is now the public relations manager of Stewart's in the area. My brother is wearing the prank underwear I had under my dress for the garter ceremony!

Mood swings-Massive earthquake and Tsunami in Japan

2011-03-11T07:43:00.000-08:00

There has been a massive earthquake and Tsunami that hit in Japan. Hundreds of people dead, mass destruction. Very upsetting to me. Is this all part of what is in the bible about the end times? Is Jesus coming back soon?

I have been experiencing frequent mood swings lately. I don't know if it is because of the cancer and being sick or because my medication isn't working or what.. I guess it is normal to be feeling this way but I feel tearful or hyper or just regular all in one day. This is not bi-polar. I have not heard of bi-polar having mood swings so rapidly. Of course I really don't know if that is what I have. The snow and lousy weather has been lingering and I have not been out much so I guess that can cause me to feel moody too. I went out to breakfast with my father the other day and him and Nancy got me a nice comforter for the bed.
Sarah has been spending a lot of time at her Grandmother's house. She has been acting up in school, trying to skip class. I think she learned her lesson because she got caught the first time!
My incision is still opened up quite a bit. It seems to be healing but it happens so slowly it is hard for me to say one way or another. I am off the antibiotics I just hope I don't get an infection. I am keeping an eye out for redness and pain etc.. I have some antibiotics here just in case but they really give me terrible heartburn.
Looking forward to church on Sunday and the St. Patricks day dinner after. I am going to bring a dessert. I haven't decided what to make yet. Maybe cupcakes. I don't want all the desserts to end up being cake like. Cupcakes would be a big hit with the kids however! I really don't have much news.

Surgery is done

2011-02-16T07:03:00.000-08:00

I have had my surgery on Friday as scheduled. I know that was 5 days ago, but I really haven't felt up to blogging until now. My family has been blessed with great dinners from folks at church and a couple boxes of food stuffs too!
My surgery site seems to be healing up ok. I have two drainage tubes in and hopefully they will come out next week. I am tired a lot but cannot sleep during the day no matter what I do to try. I sleep good at night but the dog wakes me up two or three times and I am forced to get up. Rich sleeps right through it. Speaking of the dog, the lazy sluggard just got up from his early morning nap. He takes that after breakfast I guess. Lazy dog. He should be doing something useful like fetching slippers or something..
I am waiting to hear more from my Doctors office or to get a call from the oncologists office with an initial set up appt. I am not looking forward to this next part of the treatment at all. I will have to get a port put in for the chemo too, so more surgery is coming up. A port is a small metal device with catheters. The catheters go into your major artery and the port is accessed with needles to administer the chemo and to draw blood etc.. It is usually placed in the chest area. I will be sedated for the procedure which is good, I don't want to have to be awake!
I am tired so I am going to attempt to sleep. Probably won't happen, but I can try! My husband has an annoying habit of slamming doors and coming into the bedroom clomping in his boots and then coming over and touching me. So even if I am starting to fall asleep I am woken up.

Excerpt from Clarksfield pioneers book

2011-02-09T06:25:00.001-08:00

Asa Wheeler, Sr., lived in Connecticut at the time of the war of the Revolution. He was drafted into the army and was put to work as teamster and helped to draw pork to Danbury after the town had been burned by the British, a depot of supplies having been established there by the military authorities. He was only eighteen years old and did not relish army life, so he managed to slip away one morning at sun rise. He was a noted runner and it is related that he reached his home, seventy miles away, at sunset. The officers were never able to catch him again. He came to Trumbull county, Ohio, where his wife died. His son Asa was married to Olive Minor, a sister of Daniel Minor, at Vienna, Trumbull county. In 1818 they came to Clarksfield with one child, Lovina, and the old gentlemen came with them. They settled on a piece of land up the river from the home of Benjamin Stiles, near the bank of the river. He raised his house July 13, 1818. Mr. Wheeler set out an orchard there, which was one of the first orchards in the town, if not the very first. In a few years he and his brother-in-law, Joseph Bartholamew, bought out Levi Barnum, who had built the mill, afterwards known as the "Hayes" mill, on the east branch. The business did not pay well enough for them to meet their obligations and they were glad to sell out to Johnson Wheeler (not a relative.) Mr. Wheeler then lived in different places; indeed, some say that he lived in more different houses than any other man in town. He worked for Captain Husted for some time running the grist mill and lived in a log house near the residence of William Stiles. In 1840 he lived in Wakeman and run the mill there. At the time of his death he lived at the Hollow in the house now owned by Dr. C. H. Foss. His children were Sally Lovina, who married Wheeler Percy and who died in 1897; Bethia, the first white girl born in Clarksfield, whose birthday was Nov. 15, 1818. She died in 1836. Anson W., who married, first, Martha Easterly and second, Amanda (Johnson) Wilson, and who lives in Pennsylvania at present. Lucretia, who married Oliver Dunning and lives in Missouri. Mary Ann, who died in 1869. William W., who married Martha Prosser and who lives in California. Lucy, who married Cyrus Dunning and who lives in Nebraska. Lemuel, who is unmarried and lives in Nebraska. In 1836, Mrs. Wheeler died. He then married Sophia Hill, a sister of Ben Hill. She had a daughter, Betsy Wheeler, who is unmarried and lives with her brother Lemuel. Asa Wheeler died in 1875, eleven days after his wife, at the age of 81. Olive Wheeler’s mother came to live with her and the two old people, Asa Wheeler, Sr., and Mrs. Minor, concluded to get married. They afterward went to Daniel Minor’s to live. Asa Wheeler was living at "Hayesville" before 1826 and his wife is said to have taught the first school in that part of the township, the school being held in their house.

Lazy day

2011-02-09T06:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I indulged in being very lazy. I was tired all day, got up at 6:00 to get the kids ready for school and went back to bed until around 9:00. Got up for a couple hours and went back to bed from around 11:30 until 2:00. I read that having actual cancer can make people tired. I wish I would be loosing weight, but then again if I was I would be terminal, so we will skip that wish! I need to lay off the cookies!
I went over to my Aunt Janice's last night for a sub and chips and she cut and colored my hair.

She wanted to experiment and added a cap of neutral blonde into it and the results were a shade lighter! I had gotten a coupon for a free box of foaming haircolor in the mail and gave it to her because I won't be needed it in a couple months! So this color will see me thru to chemo! At least I will look my age and not like I'm older. I am starting to get scared. Hard to believe that this is happening to me! No one expects breast cancer when there is NO family history. I am the family pioneer I guess.
Speaking of pioneers, my Aunt Janice and I looked through her old family pictures. I don't have any to show here but on the Wheeler side of the family, my Grandpa owned a dairy farm near Schaghticoke, NY. After that was sold he bought a bar I think and then built a general store and had cabins out back to let to tourists. The general store is still there but I believe it is a house. Grandpa Wheeler originally came from Ohio. His family can be traced back to the Revolutionary War where Asa Wheeler Sr. served under Gen. George Washington. He was one of the founders of a town called Clarksfield in Ohio. He owned a mill there.

The old gentleman on the far left is Asa Wheeler Jr., I believe. The man with the dark hair and mustache is his son, I believed named Anson.

I don't belong to Ancestry.com anymore so I'm not sure of all the names.
Anyhow, today I am going to pre-op to get my blood draw, EKG and maybe a chest X-ray to check for spread of the cancer to other areas. Tomorrow I have to go in the morning to family court because Travis' father was called in by Medicaid. I wish I didn't have to go.
I have made arrangements for Sarah to spend the weekend at her Grandmothers. I am starting to feel stressed, Rich keeps coming in the bedroom and standing behind me and it is bothering me. I better take a Zanax now before I get too paranoid.

Surgery on Friday

2011-02-07T14:05:00.000-08:00

I saw my surgeon today and surgery is scheduled for this Friday early AM. I want to go and get it done. I will need chemo and radiation. The tumor size has been upgraded to a Stage 3 plus 1. 5 year survival rate is 67%. My life is so chaotic now and this is really going to push me to the limit I think. I really need my husband to step up and help more with the kids. He cooks and cleans but I will need him to take care of the kids and animals for a while. Here is a picture of the tumor. It is the large white blob on the breast image on the right even though the tumor is actually on the left. It is a reverse image. Below it you can see a smaller circular blob and that is the sentinal node that has the cancer in it also.

Jealousy

2011-02-05T06:58:00.000-08:00

I just had jealousy raise its ugly head in my heart. Saw a post from my old boss on Facebook about how she is waiting for her daughter to get up so they can spend the day shopping, having lunch and laughing. Why would I be jealous of that? Because we are so goddamn broke I can't even afford to buy my daughter socks. I get so angry sometimes about the situation we are in.

Hubby on the roof

2011-02-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

My husband is up on the roof shoveling it off. We have had problems with it leaking so he needs to get the snow off. He wants to build a peaked roof this summer but I think just sealing it would be better because I have no plans on living here forever!
Still waiting to hear from the Doctors office. It will be a week tomorrow since the biopsies. Come on people! I left a message yesterday and got no response. Maybe she is running it past the "tumor board" first. Yes that is what they call it! Our big snow storm turned out to be a storm dud. We did get about a foot of snow maybe less. I think the period of sleet cut it down. This picture is from downtown Saratoga Springs.

We went into town and I got one prescription filled and like an idiot for got to get the other two that I had called in. Now will have to go back in tomorrow. Also one I wanted filled had to get "pre-approved". It is Ambien CR instead of the regular Ambien. What a crock of crap! Darn insurance companies. They had to pre approve my MRI too! From what I read, if you need chemotherapy that has to also be pre approved! Dr. to patient, "I'm sorry we can't begin your life saving treatment until it is pre-approved"..

Ashamed

2011-02-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

I let myself get over tired last night and by 11 PM was a basket case, I was wanting to go to bed and the kids were stalling and pestering. The one with the bowel issues decided he needed to go into the bathroom and "Take a poop" as he likes to announce to the entire house. He is 13 by the way. Almost 14. He can clear out a house with the smell of his bowels. I really lost my temper and was ranting on with bad curse words about that and insinuated to my daughter that she was being a bad word. I was so worked up that the Ambien wasn't working. I had to take a Zanax to calm myself down. I was so angry I just lay in bed thinking how my life sucks and everyone would be better off without me anyhow. I prayed and asked God for help and then for forgiveness. I fell asleep shortly after. I think the stress of waiting for the biopsy results are really getting to me. Just to think the real battle hasn't even begun yet. I hope I don't completely loose it and end up in mental health!

The waiting is the hardest part...

2011-02-01T14:44:00.000-08:00

Isn't that part of a song? I am still waiting for the biopsy results. My left breast is swollen and a sickly yellow color from the bruising. I went to my regular Dr. yesterday and she said there is no infection and some swelling is normal from the abuse it took. She seemed very sad when I told her that I have breast cancer. She knew something was wrong and I don't think she is happy that it took this long to get a diagnosis. Of course I still don't have an "Official" diagnosis. I just feel like I'm in limbo. Wanting to get this on with. It has been nearly a month since I saw the specialist for the first time. Another month down the drain. I am not going into details yet, but I have contacted an attorney. What worries me about that is if I do win, I will probably loose my health insurance. Rich said not to worry because we can pay for it but health insurance is expensive if you pay privately. Maybe I can work something into the settlement if there is one that they have to pay our health insurance... worth trying I suppose!

The huge winter storm is on its way here. They are expecting up to 24 inches here. We have plenty of food, just hoping the electricity does not go out. Here is a picture of a Junco, a Chickadee and a really weird looking bird, a red headed snow shoveler!

Another trip to Albany

2011-01-30T15:32:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is another trip to Albany, this time with Sarah to her endocrinologist. Her sugars have been terrible so I am hoping they will either let us put her back on the pump or increase her insulin or something. I feel like I haven't been taking very good care of her lately due to my own problems. I need to keep a log book in her kit to track her levels.
I didn't feel very good this morning. I got a little overwhelmed thinking of everything. Getting ready for church, going to Albany, going to see my own PCP Monday afternoon. I am just so TIRED. We are supposed to get a big storm coming in Wed and that will probably be when they want to see me in Albany again. I'm sure the lab results will be in by then. I was told if they are negative I will get a surgical biopsy, but the way they worked me over on Friday makes me pretty sure they got some good samples. I hope I didn't freak out or offend anyone with the graphic photos in my last blog. Flikr flagged me so I took them off. For some reason this website won't let me upload from my own computer directly like I used to. I keep getting error messages. I did make it to church today and enjoyed the sermon. Pastor Brown prayed for me directly. He asked me if I wanted to be annointed with oil but I was still feeling a little freaked out and I wasn't ready for that. Maybe next week or so. I don't want to have people feel like they need to feel sorry for me. I do appreciate the support and well wishes I have received however. I have gotten some good advice but feel it is so early in the game that I can't use it right now. I wish we could get the show on the road here!

Multiple biopsies

2011-01-28T14:33:00.000-08:00

Today was biopsy day again at Albany Med. The staff got me right in and I can't rave enough about the gentle, caring staff that took care of me today. I was given an ultrasound first to locate the areas and the charge RN Barbara was at my side for the whole procedure. Dr. Whitehead was so great. She explained everything in detail. I had several numbing shots and she took several biopsies from the main mass and then from the affected lymph node near my armpit. Then she moved onto the right breast and took biopsies there. They then placed 3 markers under the skin in the areas. I now have titanium in me! I have attached some pictures of the bandaged up area. They aren't too pretty, but it is what I'm dealing with. I am a little uncomfortable but not to much.

Pictures have been removed due to possible objectional content.

Biopsies tomorrow

2011-01-27T03:45:00.000-08:00

I am going back down to Albany tomorrow to get several biopsies done on the main mass and the mini mass that they suspect is a lymph node. The MRI also showed up two suspicious areas in the right breast so they will biopsy those also. I am going to be a pincushion! Just want a diagnosis so I can move forward with treatment. I want to get out and try to do something today. Even if it is just getting to the pet store for meal worms for the lizard. Pick up something for dinner. Rich made a great potroast last night, so maybe that will be leftovers. My appetite has not been that great. I get hungry but have been eating less.

Freezing cold and MRI's

2011-01-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

We went down to Albany yesterday. Three blocks from the hospital we hit the Moby Dick of potholes. It was too late when I saw it to warn Rich and BANG! That pothole was so big I couldn't see the bottom of it! Needless to say, we had a flat tire when we arrived at the hospital. I went in and they took me in right away for the MRI. I have to tell you that was such a painful procedure with my back the way it is. My upper back immediately seized up and I was in agony for 1/2 hr. Laying there still with my head on this rester. Then my head started hurting. I was nearly in tears by the time they were done and just getting off the table was torture. I had to lay face down with my boobs in these holes by the way. Click on boobs in holes to see a picture of the table. Mine was not pink.

I found out today that they now want to see all my old mammo's from up here in Saratoga, so Saratoga is MAILING them down. I am so upset that this is taking so long. Why can't anyone just tell me what the hell is growing in me?

My breast mass journey summary

2011-01-21T06:49:00.000-08:00

I first found a small lump above my left nipple about a year ago and the nipple began retracting. I kept an eye on it waiting for it to go away on its own. Finally when my sister came to visit in May of last year I had her look at it and she freaked and told me to go to a Dr. My regular Dr. was very concerned and had me go get a mammo and ultrasound. The mammo picked up nothing and the ultrasound just revealed cysts. Meanwhile I still had this hard mass above my nipple and it actually goes down and around it deep into the breast tissue. I had a small core biopsy done by guided ultrasound and that came back negative. Personally I think the Dr. took the sample from the wrong area. The surgeon I saw pretty much dismissed it saying I was too young for cancer, no family history etc. I asked him what the hard mass was and he said "I don't know but if it still bothers you come back in a couple months". I was pretty disgusted by the whole was I was blown off and ended up loosing my health insurance anyhow. Now that I have it back I went back to my PCP and she sent me to a specialist in Albany, NY. She took one look at my breast (which has a nearly full nipple retraction by now) and said "Oh my goodness". She did two needle biopsies right there and I have an MRI scheduled for this Monday (this was previously suggested by the last ultrasound reading but ignored by surgeon #1) The biopsy came back with "atypical cells". This mass fills my entire palm when I grasp it. It is about the size of a softball cut in half. Dr. is talking about doing a core biopsy after the MRI.

The weight of the world

2011-01-14T07:50:00.000-08:00

I have been so stressed out lately. Going to Four Winds doing the outpatient program, coming home and taking care of the kids, trying to help around the house, trying to get sleep and trying to spend time with Rich. Not to mention the bills that aren't getting paid.. I am not going to be able to go to school this spring because of the upcoming surgery and I have applied for Social Security Disability and will probably be turned down and have to get a lawyer. I can't collect unemployment because I told the Feds I am not able to work. I feel like I just screwed myself and the whole family over. I am going to look into other options and in the meantime have applied for food stamps and will apply for HEAP. Waiting for my landlord to give me a letter I need. I hope he isn't waiting for rent before he gives it to me!
I am just really struggling mentally right now because I have been the responsible one for so long, for so many years and I not only feel guilty, I feel afraid too. I am glad we will be getting income tax return soon, we will have to spend it wisely, on bills and living expenses etc..
My Mom isn't doing well, she thinks she will be passing on soon. She just feels weaker and weaker. I just hope I can see her one more time before that happens...

Happy New Year?

2011-01-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is officially a new year. I don't celebrate New Year's eve. Always found it to be overrated. Leave it to the drunks. I tried to go to bed but found myself lying away as usual and then had an allergy attack. While waiting for the sudafed to kick in I heard the fireworks going off 5 miles away in Saratoga. My husband was snoring next to me. I finally gave up and took one of his Ambien. I need them more than he does!
Tomorrow Rich and I are going to spend $40 and try something new. We are going to go take a beginners Polo lesson. Yes, polo as on a horse with a mallet and chasing a ball! Lets hope we keep it to a walk the first night!
On Monday I go Four Winds for my first day. I have to have one full day and then I go three days a week for 1/2 day. On my days off and in the mornings, I will have to finish up getting ready for school and go to the specialist in Albany for my breast. The lump in it is very large and my breast is quite misshapen. I can imagine I will have to have surgery. I want to get it removed what ever it is. It is large and uncomfortable. Anyhow, back to Four Winds, I am going to get an evaluation and probably get new meds. I am hoping they can come up with some diagnosis. I seem to have some symptoms of bi-polar disorder and may have been not on the right type of meds all along.
In Feb Rich and I have reservations to take a bus trip to Atlantic City. We will be staying at The Tropicana! I am not planning on spending much if any time in the actual casino. I want to go out and walk on the boardwalk and go to the aquarium and do some sightseeing. I want to go back to Washington D.C. this year too. Rich and I should get some passports in case a good deal comes up to travel. Well I am hoping for a happy and healthy new year and wish the same to all my family and friends.

Winter is here

2010-12-28T08:36:00.000-08:00

Winter has finally descended on us here At the base of the mountains. We got about 4 inches of snow from the last storm that walloped the east coast. I have been going to my therapist appointments as well as the the kids. My stepson has only gone once. They suspect he has some type of "spectrum" disorder. By spectrum they mean autism. I have suspected that for a long time by his behaviors. I am still having a very difficult time dealing with his behaviors and physical problems that he has. If you are curious about the physical problem.. Google encropsis. I don't want to go into detail here but it is not pleasant to deal with at all. My therapist has recommends that I go to Four Winds hospital for an outpatient program to get a look at my symptoms and my meds and see if adjustments are needed, which I'm sure they are. I have not been dealing well at all with life in general. I am frequently tired, occasionally get so agitated I start yelling and ranting at everyone. I just got up and I feel physically exhausted. I am going to the breast specialist in January. The mass in my breast has gotten larger and my nipple has disappeared into my breast. I have to dig it out to wash under it. I'm wondering if that may have something to do with the tiredness I feel all the time. I am not loosing weight or anything like that. I am hoping the original diagnosis of no cancer is still there, but I would like to know what it is that is in there that is growing. I'm so glad that I have free health insurance right now because I'm sure I am going to have to get a bunch of tests run all over again. I just hope that they can figure things out before I start classes in January or at least that it doesn't interfere with my schedule. I can take most classes online I think, but some I may have to go onto campus for. My husband suggested that I go and get retested for the sleep apnea. I was diagnosed with mild sleep apnea, he said that people with bi-polar problems can have worse symptoms with sleep apnea. Or sleep apnea can cause problems that mimic bi-polar something like that I can't remember.. I just hate the test and sleeping in a strange place. I'm tired.. might just go back to bed before I have to go to the therapist. I've been up for two whole hours.. wow..

2010-12-03T14:41:00.000-08:00

I have been busy the last couple days. Going to therapists, Dr. appts and shopping. I got Sarah a nice fake fur vest she wanted for Christmas. Reminded me of the rabbit fur jacket that was so popular when I was a kid. Don't feel bad, I am glad no rabbits suffered for me! I also got myself a couple of holiday tops! $10 ea from Walmart. I filled out my FAFSA and TAP for grants. I had to send away for another school transcript, they wanted one unsealed. If I get accepted, then I have to register for classes, do my immunization titre, etc. etc. Hoping to start in January. Sarah had some testing done in school and she registered high in a few areas of concern. Inattention, Learning problems, Agression, Peer relations Negative Mood, Interpersonal problems, ineffectiveness, negative self esteem and something called anhedonia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia That is pretty scary. I guess anything over 70 is of concern. She scored high on the ADHD scales and the depression scales too. I am glad she is in counseling and I saw her Dr. today and we are increasing the ADHD meds to see if it helps. Karl is going to be seeing a therapist that specializes in areas of Spectrum disorders (autism). I suspected that myself. He has been cut off the games all together on weekdays and is limited to two hours a day on weekends. Not for punishment but because he is so highly addicted and shows the autism symptoms more while playing. Wow, I am just full of joyful news huh? We have decided not to go to Florida and are taking them to the Great Escape indoor water park for two days. In February, Rich and I are going to Atlantic City to hang out at the Tropicana! I want to see the boardwalk too! I decided I could not handle a car trip with those savages! Maybe we can try next year.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T16:46:00.000-08:00

Yes, we had a nice Thanksgiving day. I kept my cool and didn't blow up or get upset about anything. Rich and Rick decided to do some home improvement during the waiting for the turkey. Rich finished up the window in the bedroom. He put wood border frame around it. He drilled a whole in the wall and ran the antenna wire thru it. Then he installed a new bathroom vanity. I made the stuffing for the turkey and he made regular stuffing. Personally, I think mine was better.. hehe. I made Ree Drummond's (Pioneer Woman) Soul Sweet Potatoes.    I have never really enjoyed sweet potatoes until I made these! I think this is going to be my signature dish at potlucks. Easy to make and delicious! The turkey came out beautifully. We had corn, creamed spinach, cranberry sauce, rolls, gravy and pie! Rick joined us. He is a good neighbor and really has helped Rich out a lot with different projects.

Travis' job ended on Wednesday, so he will be applying for unemployment soon. We are going to have our health insurance starting on the 1st and I am so happy! I have an appointment with the breast specialist on the first too.

The kitten has come into heat for the first time. I am looking around and trying to find a low cost spay/neuter clinic. I inquired at Petsmart for the price of their spays and they quoted me over $300. They must be smoking something over there. So we have been listening to mournful yowling for about 4 days now. I hope she starts slowing down soon. I heard cats can come into heat again in less than a month.

Rich and I splurged and got ourselves a new bed set. It is a queen size and is so comfy! It was not cheap but they threw in a twin for Sarah. I have only bought myself one new bed before in my lifetime and it was a piece of junk.   This extra money has been a God send. We got caught up on the bills and have a little extra for savings and perhaps a family trip. We were thinking about going to Florida. I have been pretty upset about my mother's health and wonder if we should go visit her instead. Her heart is failing and I am not sure how much time she has left. She said not to worry because she will always be in my heart, but I can't imagine how I am going to react when I loose my mother. Every time I think about it I start tearing up. My Mom has been my best friend and biggest supporter. We had a rough patch when I was a teen and she didn't always like some of the decisions I have made in life, but she has still been there for me. It is so hard for me to live so far away from her. The only thing holding me here in NY now is my daughter. I don't think it would be fair to take her away from her Grandmother. I could care less about her father, but I know he would probably take me to court over it, even tho he barely sees her. Hard to think in 7 years she will be 18. Then I can go where I want, but my mother will be gone. My sister and brother live down south. My Mom is my rock however.

Ok now I am crying just looking at her picture. Wow.. I need a Mommy fix!

Simple life giveaway

2010-11-24T16:02:00.000-08:00

It is not to late to enter! Tonia from All Natural Simple Life is giving away SPICES! Click on the word spices for the direct link!

Our pets

2010-11-22T15:36:00.000-08:00

Our pets are all very special to us in so many ways. The first cat is Brownie. She was the second addition to our clan. We adopted her from the Saratoga Co animal shelter. She was the featured cat of the week. She had a wonderful personality. She is shy but loves to snuggle and bask in attention. She is very trusting of me and will allow me to do just about anything to her.
The second photo is of Buzzy at Christmas time. He is a Cairn Terrier. This was before he got the skin disease and lost most of his hair. He is a strange dog. He enjoys most dog things like eating and going outside. He does however scratch and chew himself constantly. I have tried different types of medication and am going to try another type soon. Lets hope it works! He is a very vocal dog, he will moan and make rawr sounds. He "talks" to us.

The next photo is of our cat that we lost a few months ago to coyotes. His name was Simba. He was so beautiful. He looked like a Maine coon. My daughter loved that cat.

Then we have Esther. She is my husbands dog. I do not care for her too much. She is big, noisy and gross. She is an affectionate dog however but I don't like being in the same room as her. I have issues.. not her.

Next is the newest addition, Angel. She is a part Oriental type breed. She has blue eyes and caramel points as you can see. She is very affectionate and playful. Her nickname is OAK for Overly Affectionate Kitten!

Last but not least is our Tarzan. He is an enormous cat who has a heart condition. I'm surprised he has made it this long. He is very friendly and almost dog like in personality. He will just sit there and let you hug him. He has several nick names. Tardy, Tardbutt and Fatty.

We have too many pets obviously. We are not going to get anymore right now, 5 is enough! We love them however and they all have a very special place here.. well except for Esther.. LOL

My blog is boring

2010-11-20T13:51:00.000-08:00

I have decided that my blog is just plain boring. It seems all I do is whine and complain. I don't have cute nicknames for people, or feed the homeless or grow awesome tomatoes. I don't raise goats, horses, pigs or homestead. I don't have any interesting political views or talk about what is new and exciting in the world. I complain about my kids, my boob, being tired and having to money. I was told by my hubby not to complain about him in my blog. I am also not to discuss money problems. We are all rich and happy. No problems. The weather is an ok subject I guess. It was windy and cold today. The birds have been very busy at the bird feeders except they keep hitting the window now. I will have to put up stickers or something. I mentioned that I cashed in my 401k on Facebook and the proverbial shit hit the fan. Everyone was screaming about penalties and taxes etc.. Just for the record, the amount of money I had was paltry and they already took about 15% for the feds. I don't know if that was the penalty or the tax. We usually get wads of cash each year for the Earned Income Credit so I really am not worried about having to pay in.
Oh and speaking of my boob, which is painful and still deformed and with a very large hard mass in it that my general surgeon says he doesn't know what it is (and probably doesn't care), I am getting my health insurance on Dec 1st. I also have an appt that day in Albany with a breast specialist. Maybe she can tell me what it is. I have been still having the rashy itchy area on my side and have been generally feeling like a worn out dishrag.
I am glad I have that 401k money. I plan on paying off the house (good investment), paying up the bills and possibly taking the kids to Florida over Christmas vacation. No we aren't going to Mouse World or any fancy schmancy place like that because it would eat over 1/2 of my money. We are going to the beach and do some exploring. I would like to go to St. Augustine and Jacksonville (zoo). There are numerous state parks all up and down the northeast seashore. Or we may go further and go to Tampa/Clearwater area. I want to walk on white sand by palm trees! I know the drive down will be hell with the demon children in the car but perhaps I can get my nerves unfrazzled on the beach!

What a beautiful day!

2010-11-13T07:11:00.000-08:00

The weather is beautiful today. I am trying to think of a way I can go out and enjoy it later. Maybe do some yard work. Maybe go find a couple geocaches. We are trying not to go to far with the old car because of the transmission. We got a new used car. Paid a lot less than its book value and Rich is happy. The only drawback is that it needs the premium fuel. That does not make me happy. Gas is expensive enough! It is a 1995 Buick Park Ave.

This is not our car.. but it looks like this one. Rich was up bright and early heading to the auto parts store. He is going to give it a tune up and it needs some other minor work done. I'm glad I married a mechanical type.
I have been looking for work and thinking about going back to school. I had originally planned to go to Hudson Valley CC for its radiological class but because I have to take so many core classes first I wouldn't start the actual program until Fall of 2012. I don't think unemployment is going to keep me on the payroll that long! I do need some more schooling however because I cannot go back to the nursing home work. I could however do private duty work or home care but the pay for that is not that great. There is one company I am going to look into if it comes down to it. Rich wants me to not rush into things and see about school. I am not sure if I am mentally or physically ready to work anyhow.
I am still having depression problems and my breast is still giving me a great deal of problems. Nothing ever came of the first round of tests. The surgeon basically told me that he "doesn't know what is wrong with it". I am scheduled to see a specialist in Albany Dec. 1st. I am hoping my insurance will be here by then!
I am still doing work at the barn 3 days a week. On Friday I do two shifts of two hours each. I am doing the evening feeding now too. I am finding I am getting a little stronger but I get exhausted so easily. I wonder if it is just plain laziness!
I am expecting a disbursement of my 401K from my last job this month. I know there will be penalties but we need the money now. Pay some bills, get this new car on the road, have some money for Christmas and hopefully go take a road trip to go see my Mom and rest of family down south! I will have to see if there are any bloggers I know on the way and stop and visit. I would love to see Kelly and Carlene in GA. With my luck they both live on opposite ends of the state! I have a sister in Arkansas and I have had an informal invite to go coon hunting with an Arkansas blogger! The route we will take will bring us all the way across NY to Buffalo, I can stop and see Donna D there! Then south thru Penn and Ohio to Kentucky. I want to visit Lexington but I know the kids will complain and moan the whole time so I will save that until the spring perhaps and go away with the hubby! So we will probably go down the middle of Kentucky, drop down into Tennessee, pass through the Nashville area, another place I would like to visit! West into Arkansas and then south to Bossier City, Louisiana to my sisters! Perhaps on the way back up we can go east up through GA and Washington D.C. and head north to home. I will have to see how my sister went. I think we will go around D.C. and maybe come up a little further west and up through PA. I have an Aunt in GA too but I will have to contact her somehow and see where she lives. It is a pretty big trip and not a lot of time to dilly-dally along the way. The kids have 12 days off of school. We can take 2 or 3 to go down, visit for about 5 days and then head north. We will want a day of rest at home before they go back to school. It will be a fairly expensive trip factoring in hotels etc.. I plan on packing a cooler so we can stock up on snacks and we can pack lunch and breakfast foods. Try to eat out as little as possible and show up at people's houses at dinner time... LOL Knowing my step-son the highlight of the trip will be eating his way through several states. This kid is constantly hungry. I think he thinks he is hungry when he really just ate. He can sit down and eat a full size meal every 3 hours and snack in between. It is rare to see him NOT eating! Maybe we should just get him a feed bag. :) Well, I've been blathering on long enough. If you want a visit from the Adirondack country gal and you live on our intended route give me a shout and we can see if we can come for a visit!

Been sick

2010-11-06T18:33:00.000-07:00

These last couple of weeks have been rough. I have been sick for the last 4 days with bowel problems, but I think I may be through the worst of it. I started off with this weird rash on my side which probably had nothing to do with it. My health insurance should be coming through pretty soon. I really need to go to my Dr. My mental state has been pretty sluggish still. Tired a lot and not much enthusiasm. My husband is not happy with that. I spend too much time in bed. He got all his upper teeth pulled on Wed. He has been having some pain from that but has been taking Lortab for it. He is as busy as usual. I tried working at the barn Friday night and needed some help finishing up and couldn't do everything I needed to. I think someone didn't do their share the night before. It looked like that stalls and paddocks hadn't been cleaned in two days. I didn't have the strength to clean it all. It was a huge mud pit outside too. I go again Monday morning and then Rich and I have a lesson early afternoon if we feel up to it.
Sarah is going to a counselor on Wed for the ADD and behavior problems. We are going to get Karl signed up too because he has some serious behavior issues too. First and foremost his video game addiction. He throws a hissy fit if he has to do anything other than play his games. If we ask him to turn it off he has a fit and then pouts and refuses to do chores. He tries to bargain with us to get them back. He has very strange mannerisms too such as jumping up and down when playing the games and when he gets excited he runs across the room hunched over and clenching his hands in front of his face. It is almost like autistic behavior. He has this weird tongue thrusting he does too when he plays games. He also claims he doesn't realize he does these things and "can't help it". He has an unnatural obsession with food and asks us repeatedly what is for lunch, dinner etc.. even after we have told him. Sometimes he even asks what is for a meal a couple days in advance. He gets very over excited and greedy about food and always runs to get to the food first sometimes falling down in the process. I hope counseling can help him. He drives me batty sometimes.
Sarah does too with her whining and nasty attitude. She hates it when she doesn't get her way.
Well anyhow, I am glad Halloween is over and now we can look forward to Thanksgiving.

Nervous Nellie

2010-10-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

My daughter has been gone since noon to the Great Escape. She has gone with family and her brother but they have never taken care of her and her diabetes before. I have heard that she is fine and having fun but I can't help but be nervous. She is going to spend the night at my nieces.
I have been fighting a head cold. Thanks honey for the sweet gift you gave me! He made my daughter a wooden bed frame for her room. It has a solid bottom so all kinds of crap can't migrate under it. He did a really nice job on it. Looks like something you could buy at a furniture store.
I am really tired.. waiting for them to call me that they got back ok and make sure Sarah gets her night time insulin. I know I'm a worry wart but it is hard.

My daughter

2010-10-19T04:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took Sarah her pediatrician to re examine using medication for ADD with Sarah. She put her on Concerta. A meeting has been held at the school which I attended. Mostly all the teachers agree that Sarah just seems to sit there and stare blankly into space with an expressionless face. She is very unorganized and very angry and difficult at home. She will also be getting counseling soon, I hope. I think my step-son needs it too. I will not discuss the reasons here as it is way to personal. I think he has ADD too with some hyper mixed in. It took him well over an hour to do an assignment which should of only taken 15 minutes due to him being distracted by everything and everyone. We had to remind him countless times to go do his homework. He also has unusual behaviors when he plays video games. He hops up and down from a sitting to standing position repeatedly and makes a strange gesture in front of his face with his hands if over excited. He is horribly clumsy and constantly falling or tripping. I think he should get some testing done too. I personally could use some counseling to help me deal with the chaos and bad behavior at home. I feel like I could loose it at any time!

Lost more weight!

2010-10-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

I guess the only real side benefit to being in this funk is that I don't eat as much. I weighed myself after breakfast today and the scale said 190! So I've lost 13 lbs so far. I can see the difference when I look down at my tummy. The skin is looser. I have been feeling a little better. I've gotten up and done some household work. My husband has been running a wire to the shed. His friend is helping him. He is a contractor and knows what he is doing. It has a breaker set up in it so if anything goes wrong it will flip the breaker. So the man cave will now have electricity and heat.. LOL. I will never see my husband again.
I've really been in a dilemma about what to do about our dog. He has a severe skin disease and I can't afford to keep taking him to the vet. I don't know whether to find him a new home like a rescue for his breed or have him put to sleep. He scratches and chews himself till he bleeds. If I re-home him I fear someone will try to turn me in because the dog looks horrible and he stinks fiercely. The vet told us it is difficult to treat once it gets to the stage he is in. Any advice people?
I have finally gotten two payments for unemployment, except it hasn't been deposited in my checking acct yet. That figures! I'm hoping we will get it Monday. The bills are so far backed up. All our animals need shots. It is just so frustrating. Any day now I'm waiting for the car to get repossessed. We have been making payments but are behind. I know everyone is tired of hearing me whine. But it is my blog and I shall whine if I wish too! :)
Well as usual I will leave with something nice to look at. Ishy kitty. Her real name is Angel but I call her Ishy. Short for kittenish. Here she is helping me arrange the items I got in the mail yesterday for free! I send away for free items from companies. What floored me was the full size coffee sample from Green Mountain! They even sent a mug and a sticker! How generous! Good coffee too. I should send it to Dad from Dad's Tomato Garden.

What is in my head.

2010-10-11T14:37:00.000-07:00

I am suffering from complete physical and mental exhaustion.
Someone is shooting a shotgun in the woods.
I went to the barn and mucked and watered.
My husband and I have found #500 geocaches in 4 1/2 years. No, that is not a lot. Some cachers find that many in a month!
I need to help my daughter with her homework .
I am suffering from complete physical and mental exhaustion.
I need to go to the Dr. and I have no health insurance.
I love my family but I can't handle the chaos.
The fall colors are beautiful.
Winter is coming.

Weight update

2010-09-30T03:57:00.001-07:00

According to the scale at home, I've lost 6 lbs. Now I'm sure the scale at the Dr. office would say other wise, but for now I will go with the home scale!

Fall is here

2010-09-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

Fall is definitely here in Upstate NY. The leaves are changing rapidly and some lawns are already covered in a carpet of orange. I really need to get out and take some pictures of this autumn splendor. I have been bone tired lately. My husband tested positive for Mono so I am wondering if I have it too. One of the symptoms is exhaustion. I went for a job interview but haven't been called back yet. I don't think I will be picked, it is a pretty exclusive job. I've been helping out at the barn a couple days a weeks. I enjoy being around the horses. They for the most part are all good horses and very friendly. One had a shoe half off today so I had to call the barn manager and help her with the horse to get the shoe off. It is a good thing I called because a clip had gotten embedded in the bottom of his hoof and that could lead to an abscess. I have applied for unemployment but have not received anything yet. I am looking for jobs but am reluctant to apply, I am afraid I may have a mental relapse. I had a bad morning today and was on the verge of loosing it in the car. Hope to post some new pictures soon.. Here is a kitten picture however!

My old teacher

2010-09-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

I am going to meet my old 4th grade teacher tonight. I haven't seen him since 1978, he was my teacher in 1976. Sarah has him now for math in the middle school. I did a blog on his father back a while ago and I wanted to re-post it. Google this man sometime if you have a chance and want to learn some fascinating history!
Here is another article about him that is interesting! I had the pleasure of caring for Mr. Dart at the nursing home that I worked at. As far as I know he is still alive and doing pretty good. God Bless him and for raising such a wonderful son who was my teacher as well as my daughters. I did make a mistake in my old blog post, it was not the Medal of Honor it was the Congressional Gold Medal.

I'm getting old

2010-09-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

I know I'm getting old. The way the girls dress these days disgust and shock me... Time for me to apply for my senior discounts I guess.. Seriously tho, she is a pretty girl, but I've seen movies where the hookers portrayed in them wear more clothes! I wonder if she knows her dress is see through? Oh and from what I understand this girl is still in high school too. I can't wait until my daughter is a teen... Oh joy!

A day at the fair and a day doing nothing..

2010-09-05T17:04:00.000-07:00

My oldest child, Travis decided to take the day off. He has been working like a dog. This is only his 3rd day off in 40 days that the track has been open. I think he deserves it. They are going back onto the regular 8-4:30 weekends off schedule starting Tuesday. School starts Wednesday and then the kids get Thursday off for Rosh Hashana. Makes alot of sense doesn't it? The fair was pleasant. I had fun watching the different horses going about. I walked Frostlin, one of the mares for a bit. She was quite worked up and a bit of a handful, so she really put my skills to the test. I also got to ride Earl a little bit. From what I understand he is a Standardbred. He is broke to ride but is not really a beginners horse. I found out that the slightest touch of the heel or just a simple kiss will get him off at a rapid trot which had me grasping for the saddle horn and trying to slow him down. I really need a lot of work on the trot. My seat gets completely lost, my feet fly all over and my hands come way up in the air. I don't fall off or come close to it, but I know I look like an idiot trying to stay in the saddle! The last horse I rode was difficult to get up into a trot but once he did I had the same problem of trying to keep my seat and posture while directing him at the same time. I'm a wreck! I think what I need is a large area to practice in where I can trot on a straight way with out having to worry about making turns until I have my seat. It is hard to learn to ride at the age of 44! I have a lovely large bruise on my inner thigh that I have no idea how it got there. Probably from riding.

This sunflower is in my front yard. It is beautiful. We had a helicopter flying over in loops for over an hour near our house last night. Turns out there was a break in at a house a country block over. They did eventually catch the guy but I wonder if a helicopter was really necessary. I suppose the pilots need flight hours under their belts.
Today was a pretty uneventful day. I slept in until 10:30 AM which was a miracle. I really needed it. We went to the mall and ordered Karl some glasses. I hope he doesn't "loose" them this year. The insurance he has only allows new glasses every two years. I'm sure it is a matter of time before Sarah gets glasses unless she gets her father's vision. I have begun to realize that I really need a new eye exam and I've needed new glasses for a long time. I think I am going to need reading glasses soon as small print is becoming more difficult and I need to remove my glasses to read under certain circumstances. I have had glasses since I was 12 or 13. We also went to Petsmart and Sarah got a algae eater for her fish tank. We also stopped at Aeropostale and she got a $5 t-shirt. Now that she likes the more expensive brands, I found that to be quite a bargain. She wanted to see what the big stink was (literally) about Abercrombie and Fitch so we stopped in there. The clothes were cute and all very small of course. I looked at a little pink camisole and got sticker shock when I saw it was marked at $30! You can buy one at Walmart for a fraction of the price! The store reeked of perfume and it was quite overwhelming with the loud rock music blaring and the bright colored lights shining around. I'm getting old. I did not however see any shirtless young men which would of made the experience much nicer. We left the mall and went home where I took another nap. I am tired again and it is only 8 PM. How sad.. :)
Here are some pictures from the Fonda fair.. mostly animals because that is all I had time to see. I spent most of the time at the booth for the horse rescue.

Rich and Karl check out Frostlin

Earl and Frostlin

Momma mini with her surprise mini-mule foal!

We got some baked goods from this Amish family, we caught them on the way home as they were packing up to leave. The mini mare had surprised her human family on Sept. 1st with a foal. They did not even know she was pregnant. The father was quite apparent as the foal is a mule!

Fonda fair

2010-09-04T06:11:00.000-07:00

Today we are going to the Fonda Fair. It is actually the Montgomery County fair but it is known as the Fonda fair. Charlie Daniels is playing tonight. I think I mentioned that in my last post. Unfortunately we won't be seeing him. The kids will get to go on some rides and I'll do a little sightseeing. Then I get to booth sit for 4 hours for the horse rescue. The weather is much cooler today and sunny. We had a period of cloudiness yesterday due to Hurricane Earl but just a sprinkle of rain. We really could use some rain right now however.
I read in the paper yesterday that apple season has started early. I very rarely go apple picking. The price of the apples at the store are much cheaper and come from the same farms. I realize that apple picking is an "event" and something to enjoy but I am such a cheapskate that all I can see is money flying away. I will drive by the orchard and enjoy looking at the apples instead. I hope to have some pictures to post later today from the fair!

Almost school time!

2010-09-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am looking forward to the kids going back to school. It means we will have to start getting up at 6 AM instead of 7 AM but to have those nice, long, quiet days are something to look forward to. I am going to be working 3 days a week at the horse barn starting Wednesday for a couple hours a day to pay for lessons. I am about to loose my real job at Wesley. I have been out still on disability. The anxiety has been unrelenting and nothing seems to really work except Zanax. I don't want to take too much of it, it can be addicting. I will be eligible for unemployment on the 14th of this month. I am hoping that I will be able to work after all. Finding work probably won't be a problem due to my type of work but I'm not sure if I can do that anymore due to the stress. Physically it will be difficult too. I really need to start cutting back on what I eat and get more exercise. I am really getting fat and out of shape.
I am doing a few volunteer hours tomorrow at the Fonda fair. I did 4 hours on Tuesday and will do 4 more tomorrow. Charlie Daniels is supposed to be doing a concert, but I won't be able to go see him. Not enough money and the kids would be "bored". The volunteer work is for Easy Street horse rescue. They are a great organization with some really nice horses there. I wish I could afford to adopt a horse. Just being around them is enough for now though. Here are some pictures from the past week.

The pictures were all taken at the Washington County Fair.

Yet another new barn

2010-08-19T03:57:00.000-07:00

I went to one place a week or so ago and worked for an hour and got a one hour lesson for my daughter and myself. I went back on a day arranged and was told that I misrepresented how much I knew and took too long to groom 4 horses. Also because my kids played in the hay barn I was a liability. This all coming from some young 20 something skinny ass chick who obviously has no tolerance for someone who is VOLUNTEERING in exchange for lessons. She wanted and expected me to work like a paid employee.
I got an e-mail from a place not to far from here yesterday and called and talked to the lady. We are on the same page pretty much. She offered to pay per job or trade for lessons and I stressed to her that I am not an expert by any means. This time, I'll leave the kids and the camera at home until I know I am welcome and situated there. Horse people seem strange and also don't have much tolerance for people new into the field.
In other news, our car is fixed. Thank God! We will be taking Sarah to camp on Saturday and then driving to Massachusetts for an airshow in Westfield. The Thunderbirds will be flying and I'm really looking forward to it. I told my husband we should get there early for good parking and also to perhaps get box seats in the shade for only $5 each. First come first serve. I have no desire to broil in the sun for 7 hours. Just in case though I will pack the sunscreen!
Leaving you dear reader with some pictures!

Boring, boring week

2010-08-15T14:49:00.000-07:00

Our car has been out of commission for several days. First we though it was the security system because the fuel system was checked twice and came back ok. Off to the shop it went and over $200 dollars later they said it was something with bad wires. It ran fine for one day and then wouldn't start again. They towed it down again and now said it is the fuel pump and it will cost $900 to get it fixed and they wanted to charge us again for towing. Needless to say we did not pay for the tow there or back because they told us to begin with that it was not the fuel system. So my husband ordered the part online and will try to put it in himself. Lets hope it works! I am supposed to go up to the new barn tomorrow to work for a couple hours. I have been stuck home for 4 days and I am getting weary of it. We have been relying on a neighbor for rides for my son back and forth to work and have to ask him again tomorrow. I hate asking but we need to get places and he is well compensated. I guess he is getting a little crabby about it though so I hope the part comes soon!
I guess I have been medically "retired" from my job at the nursing home. It isn't official yet but I got a check and a card. So I guess in mid Sept. I will be unemployed. Time to hit up unemployment I guess. I wish they would let me go now, but I guess legally they can't. Disability has been slow with the checks. I did get one for a raise I was supposed to get back in the spring, so that was a nice bonus surprise! Its gone however of course. To overdue bills.
The garden is spitting out tomatoes now and squash about every other day. We have lettuce still but its getting bitter. We had some cabbage last night, still have potatoes to harvest but not quite yet. I know there are some there because I uncovered on to take a peek. I made jam for the first time. It came out so-so but I guess with practice I will get better. I want to can some pasta sauce or tomatoes soon also. I have been resorting to taking a lot of pictures lately, you can see them on my facebook page, but here are a couple from the last couple days.

Another two weeks gone by

2010-08-09T18:19:00.000-07:00

I go to the Dr. again tomorrow for a med check. I really don't want to be on this Zyprexa. I'm worried about weight gain and the other side effects. My moods are still up and down but not as severe. I don't want to go back to work at Wesley. I've got so much coming up the next couple of weeks. Just the idea of having to go back to work sucks. I would rather stay on disability and wait until my 3 months go by and be let go then go back there. I am considering just putting in my notice. I would rather get unemployment tho while I'm looking for another job. Rich got a check for school, but most, actually all of it is going to bills. The car broke down too so that will by more $$$. I hate this living so broke. Hate it. I would love just enough to be comfortable and not worry about how to pay the bills etc. and have some left over for the nicer things in life. Like being able to buy my kids things and to go out to eat once in a while, or go on a trip. Instead I have to tell my kids that we don't have the money. Rich hates it when I do that, but what am I supposed to tell them? I believe honesty is the best policy. He and I have completely different attitudes about money really.
I found work at another barn. It seems like it might work out nice. Work for lessons. They have trails and alot of room for riding, plus an arena for practice. I rode on Friday. I remembered a bit, but I really need to build up some muscle so I can ride correctly. Posting the trot is hard, you need to sit up straight, heels down, hands down and go up and down, one two one two with the horse. It's alot harder than it looks!Posting the trot Click that for a video. Really not to much more going on. Tomatoes are coming in now, picked another zucchini today. Still have several cabbage growing. Our cat Simba disappeared again and has been gone several days, I think he might be dead. I feel so sad about that.

Zyprexa blues

2010-08-04T10:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, normally I'm supposed to feel better, I do to some degree but I feel hyper alot more now. I guess that could be a good thing, but I've been cursed with motor-mouth to a degree. Pretty annoying. I went out to two different places this week to check about work for riding. The first place was ok, I think they have too many horses for a small spot and there was only a very small field to ride in. Takes 20 seconds to get from one end to the other. The one I went to today seems great. Very low key. They definately need work done. They have 33 horses to look after and only one manager and the owner. The horses all seem great. They have 4 large drafts and two draft Haflingers too. I was trying hard to show my horse knowledge, what little I have and not seem creepy. When I was walking back to the car with my husband and daughter, I turned around and saw the owner and manager looking at us and talking low. I wonder what they were saying. Hopefully not these people are creepy. I know my husband can be a little intimidating because he is very quiet, tall and just is there. Maybe he scares people. I go away this weekend for a day or two for my anniversary! We are prob. going to Vermont. I love Vermont.

Thinking about things

2010-07-31T07:33:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking alot about this drug that my Dr. put me on for my panic disorder. It is generally used for people with bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia. It made me look back at my life and my pattern of behaviors over most of my adult life. I can see now that there may have been cycling episodes. It may just be mild but I can see a pattern. I have had periods of intense interest in a particular activity or person and if things go wrong, like they have recently I get very upset and quickly move on to fill the hole, so to speak. I would get depressed easily and think that my life was shit.
Lately I think my activities have been based around horses, working with them etc.. I have never in my life had the opportunity to do what I want to do now. My ultimate goal is to own a horse. I can see where I become involved in almost an unhealthy way. I feel like I'm "at one" with horses and that I may have a special connection with them etc.. I have not done anything inappropriate that I can see however. I still use caution and care which some people with bipolar disorder don't use. I have been clinically depressed off and on thru my adult life and on meds since Sarah was born. At first it was thought to be postpartum depression but I was never able to come off the meds. Lately tho, the meds haven't worked well for me, I remained depressed and had no interest in life except for things that I developed a passion for. The house could look like a pig sty and I wouldn't care, I would leave the mess and go out and do something else. I have neglected my children emotionally by distancing myself and have done this with my husband too. I am going to discuss this with my Dr. when I go back and see if I should see a psychologist or something. Honestly I would like to be able to work, but I don't want to work where I do now. Work in general is becoming hard for me. To be able to focus and apply myself is hard. I find I take time off work too much. Its hard for me to complete several days of work in a row.
I don't like this new med I am on, I have read alot of bad things about it, how harmful it can be. Also it makes people eat excessively and I have noticed an increase in my appetite already.
Anyhow I have found a new farm to go try but it is pretty far, about and hour drive so if I go it will only be once a week or less. The girl there sounds pretty generous about letting us ride however. Linda

Banned from Old Friends?

2010-07-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

The person who runs Old Friends at Cabin Creek have decided that there is something about me that makes them feel uncomfortable. Until they think it over and find out what that exactly is I guess I am not welcome there any longer. I'm very upset considering all the hours of time I've put in there. One of the horses there recently died and I'm thinking she may somehow think its my fault. Also because Funny Cide is there for a visit. I saw him today briefly before I was given the boot, also saw Jack Knowlton too. Time to find a new barn, I have a possibility already but its an hour drive.

New drugs and Trailer park drama

2010-07-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

Wow that title sounds so exciting, where should I start. I guess with the trailer park drama. The people who live across from us, its a woman and her "boyfriend" I guess. Anyhow he gets bursts of violent outrages and last week I heard loud banging and she was screaming like he was killing her. Now some of my longer readers will know how I feel about being exposed to that type of behavior as I lived with it for 12 years. I did what most people would do and called 911. It took about 10 minutes for the police to come, mind you I wasn't the only one that called according to the dispatcher. So while they were on the way I went outside to be nosy. I was sitting on my patio where no one could see me. The boyfriend goes outside and bangs on their car and then grabs a ladder and climbs up a tree! He stays up there while the police come. In the meantime the girlfriend had come out and was putting things in her car when they came. She must of told them that everything was fine because they left. The boyfriend comes out of the tree and starts talking and singing about "scumbags". End of part 1.
Now the day before yesterday my husband goes outside for a smoke and the boyfriend comes out of this trailer and directly called my husband "scumbag" and "cop caller". He offered my husband to go over so he could get his "ass kicked". My husband is a real man and told the little meathead to take a hike. So the same night the banging and screaming start again. I look out and the boyfriend comes out of house and has a cellphone, he looks at it, runs back in and starts confronting his g/f about calling 911. He throws the phone and starts kicking furniture and hollering. She is screaming "Call the cops, call the cops". She said "get out of my house, this time I'm pressing charges". So we called 911 again. The b/f takes off again and her family shows up to comfort her right about the time the police show up. Anyhow I don't know if they found him or what. I haven't seen him and hope I don't.
My anxiety has been bad the last week and I had another attack where I was trembling and it got so bad I was stuttering. I went to the Dr. while I was having it, my appt happened to be then. She diagnosed me with psychotic anxiety of something like that. Then she gave me a drug which she said should help me sleep and is a mood stabilizer. Its called Zyprexa. It has all sorts of lovely side effects such as massive weight gain etc. I took it once and it turned me into a zombie. I lost some control over my limbs and was walking funny and "tweaking". I feel better now but I'm afraid to take it again.

Frustrated

2010-07-25T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not too happy with the way I've been feeling lately. Still no energy and if it gets up over the 80's outside I have to stay in with the A/C on or I get sick. I start sweating and feeling light headed. I haven't had any more anxiety attacks like the one last week in the store. Not sure if I blogged about that. I had an anxiety attack right after dropping things off at the fair. We went to the store and it was all I could do to hang on until we got a few things. I was walking around following my husband clutching a box of Froot Loops to my chest, eyes bugged out and breathing rapidly. Not fun. I was quite anxious this morning when I got up however. I think it may be because I go to the Dr. tomorrow to find out when I can go back to work or if I should. I really don't want to. I'm worried that I will just fall back into the same problems as before with being overwhelmed and not being able to function. Hell.. I can't function now. I have to ambition to go out and do anything. I did go to the fair with my husband to see how we did with our entries. We did pretty good except my floral entries sucked. I only won a second place there. I got two blue ribbons overall I believe and the rest second place. I will earn back enough to cover my entry fees at least. We also watched a little of the tractor pulls. I love those!

Back from the Catskills

2010-07-16T15:37:00.000-07:00

Our trip was pretty uneventful. We ended up leaving early because our dog with the skin disease was disturbing to some of the relatives. We couldn't leave him outside or tie him up cause he would bark and whine. I was ready to come home anyway. The kids are going to camp for 5 days starting this Sunday. This will be Sarah's first time to camp. I hope she enjoys it. Oh my biopsy came back ok. I still don't know why there is a lump there but it is benign anyhow. Thank God, I don't need to deal with cancer right now. This weekend will be dedicated to getting ready for the fair and getting kids off to camp. I have a few flower arrangements to fix up and tidy up the vegetable plants to enter. I am trying antiques for the first time this year. Also the "fun with vegetables" category, I am entering for largest zucchini. I have a whopper outside that is still growing. It has two and a half more days before I cut it off the mother ship. Here is a picture of it.

It is hard to tell the size in this picture but I would say its over a foot long at this point. I will measure it before I enter it at the fair.

Time to go to the Catskills

2010-07-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we will be leaving to go down to the Catskills to the summer house. Its an old house with no electricity but plenty of space and a huge yard. Its out in the middle of the mountains with a nice view. Very quiet and relaxing.
I went Friday for a biopsy on the hard mass in my breast. They found that the cyst that was aspirated filled back up. The Dr. told me that is unusual. So I am waiting for the results from the biopsy. Hopefully get them Tue or Wed. I also received a jury summons in the mail! I have never been called for jury duty since my son was an infant and I was excused. I hope I get picked. Not that I want to miss more work but that because I've always wanted to do this. I think it would be interesting.

Triplets and blue jays

2010-07-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

I went outside this morning and took pictures of a zucchini stem with 3 flowers on it! I have never seen anything like this before. Unfortunately it was a male, so no triple zucchinis from it!

I heard a lot of blue jay screaming outside shortly after and went out to discover my cat had a baby blue jay. I would try to get it away and he kept going under the house with it. My husband finally got it away and the poor thing is still alive.

I really have my doubts that it will survive. I have it in a shoebox right now and it has just been laying quietly first panting and now breathing with its mouth closed. I would be very surprised if it actually survived this encounter. It is almost fledged out. It has full feathers on its wings and was probably just starting out and fell on the ground where the cat got it. I hate to see that happen but its hard to keep the cats in all the time.
I am going to the surgeon today and will post what he says later..

Happy 4th of July

2010-07-04T02:27:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, as we celebrate America's birthday I would like to wish you a safe and happy day! With that said..
I'm still out of work until Thursday when I go and see the Dr. again. I am still not feeling stable enough to go back, my moods are up and down and I have a lot of anxiety still. I've been trying to get out there and have fun, but I haven't been posting much about it, especially on Facebook because I have co-workers on there and I'm sure someone would blab to my boss that I don't look depressed enough. I guess I shouldn't worry about it because I don't think I will be returning to that position anyhow. Funny, I'm out on medical leave and not once has anyone called me to ask how I am. I received two well-wishers on Facebook but that is it. No call from my boss or co-workers. Oh well! Lots of jobs available at the hospital. They have been wanting me to interview over there for years. I've put in for jobs and have cancelled interviews because I don't want to take a paycut. Right now, my sanity is more important. I won't go back to working until I feel stable. I hope my Dr. agrees with me. This disorder runs in my family, so at least I don't feel alone.
I am sad also because my Mom is not doing well. Her heart is severely damaged and her diabetes is bad. She lives so far away and it kills me to know that any day I could get that phone call that she has gone to heaven. I feel guilty for not being closer to her so I can be with her.
Wow, this is a gloomy post as usual. Well, on to more gloom... I am going to the surgeon on Wed for his opinion on the mass left in my breast after the cyst aspiration. It may very well be just fibrous tissue and I am not upset at all that it may be something else. I will wait until I see what he thinks and go from there.
The garden continues to do well, we have a couple of nice zucchini out there, I'm growing one for the fair to see how big it will get, I have an entry for largest zucchini. I hope mine is a whopper, it has three weeks left to grow. My cabbage head is looking great too. I have two plants entered and I'm doing cut flowers again. Also new this year is antiques. I have a salt and pepper shaker and a Table Talk pie tin. The kids are doing culinary so they will get free passes.
Good news, Sarah was accepted for two weeks at Camp Scully. Karl just came back and he liked it. Its 5 days then two off and then 5 more for Sarah. Overnight camp. They have nurses on staff to help with the diabetes. All I need to pay is $70 and the rest is scholarship! She has diabetes camp in August also.
Rich wants to go to the summer house for a few days this month also. Its very quite and scenic there and just what I need I think. So I will leave you with a picture... Linda

Out of work

2010-06-27T19:44:00.000-07:00

I've been temporarily put out of work by my Dr. due to stress, anxiety and depression. She changed my meds from generic lexapro to generic Prozac. I hope to see an improvement. I have been very unhappy at work. I find my boss difficult to deal with. I think she is trying to push me out the door. She doesn't like the fact that I have FMLA for my daughter. I have signed up for it for myself too as a matter of fact. I am thinking that after I am feeling better, a job change is in order.
Karl went to Camp Scully today. I think he will have a good time. I found out that they let children with diabetes go to, so I will see if they have room for Sarah in a session this year too. She is signed up for Circle of Life diabetes camp in August either way. Camp Scully was basically free. We got a scholarship for Karl and only paid a $35 deposit.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not but I have been dealing with issues with my left breast. I have a mass. They drained a cyst but there is still a mass inside. It could very possibly just be fibrocystic tissue but I need to go see a surgeon to decide the next tests to run. I hope he orders an MRI before a biopsy! Of course getting the cyst drained was no big deal so a biopsy probably won't hurt either.
Our garden is going very well. I have decided the back of the yard is not a good spot at all for veggies. We planted radish and onion there and none has started bulbs. Lots of greens but no developing roots. The radish to the north of the house however gets more light and has very nice bulbs on them. Its actually time to harvest. We have cabbage coming along nice and the tomatoes and squash are doing good too. I'm getting fair entries ready and hope we get some good produce to show. I am entering a live squash plant in a container again this year as well as a nice lettuce plant. Here is a picture of the garden out front.

Here is a close up of the squash in the center. Its a zucchini.

My bee balm this year got very tall, here is a blurry pic my hub took but you can get the idea..

Close up..

Tired

2010-06-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

I went to my Dr. the other day because my left breast has been slowly becoming deformed with the nipple caving in. I also felt a lump behind it. She looked at it and could tell right away something was wrong. She found a mass about 4 cm (about the size of a plum). I am going Tuesday for another mammo and ultrasound and then going to my surgeon on Thursday. There is a history of cysts and non cancerous lumps in my family. I am trying to not get to bummed but from what I have read online about what I'm feeling and seeing it could be cancerous. I will update when I find out more..

Boston photos

2010-05-27T18:24:00.001-07:00

Boston trip May 2010 Greenfield Elementary

How does my garden grow?

2010-05-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

The garden is coming along nicely. We are having a heatwave and the plants require twice daily waterings. We don't have a hose, everything is done by hand. Here are some pictures of the progress. First picture are our onion shoots, then radish, then our broccoli and cabbage, someone mislabeled the broccoli and we got two broccoli plants and too much cabbage! The next picture is the main garden with tomatoes. Or maybe its the other way around with the pics anyhow, yes lots of weeds too!

The week from hell

2010-05-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

Anyone that follows me on facebook knows what a week I've had. I couldn't of made up all this stuff if I wanted to. My Uncle Jack died on Sunday. Sunday evening Sarah was messing around with her insulin pump and gave herself a huge overdose of insulin. She was in the hospital until Tuesday. On Wednesday I found her insulin pump was missing from her kit. We searched the house for two days and never found it, so I have assumed it was stolen. Sarah also got sick at school from high sugar after the principal wouldn't let me give her her Lantus shot at the right time because she was in state testing. On Thursday, I found out the school nurse turned me in to Child Protective again because of Sarah's overdose and the fact that I didn't "insist" on Sarah being pulled from class and testing to get her shot, even though I was coming back in at lunch to administer it. I was shocked that even though Albany Med didn't feel I needed to be reported to CPS that Bitch at the school did, and I was the one who told her what happened. So I ended up calling the principal and complained about her and the way she has been treating me.
Thursday night my brother called just as I went to bed and told me my mother had been airlifted to Cabrini hospital in Alexandria, LA for high blood sugars and vomiting. Turns out she may have had a mild heart attack too. She is recovering and hopefully will be out of the critical care unit soon. I hope I can talk to her at least tomorrow on Mother's Day.
So that was my week from Hell..

Uncle Jack

2010-04-28T14:43:00.000-07:00

My Uncle Jack is in the hospital and is in the process of dying. He has lived a good long life and just celebrated his 82nd birthday. I have alot of memories of him as being a fun, life of the party type of guy who was always happy to see everyone.

For my animal friends

2010-04-06T14:20:00.001-07:00

Ok is this a GOAT or a SHEEP. I say goat, others say its a sheep. I say because it is not wooly it is a goat. Experts? It has a course straight hair coat. I found a picture of what is called a Barbados Black belly Sheep, called a hair sheep. I guess it may be a sheep after all!

2010-04-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

Here is an easy recipe for Au Gratin Potatoes and Ham. My Mother used to make a similar recipe. Begin by slicing up some onion, ham and potato. Layer the ham and potatoes in a casserole dish that has been lightly greased before. Preheat oven to 350F. In large skillet, melt 1/3 cup butter, saute onions and then add only onions to ham and potatoes. Add 3 T flour to butter and stir until combined and turns a nice brown color. Slowly add your milk about 3 cups, stirring all the while. When mixture bubbles and thickens add 2 cups of cheddar cheese. Pour over potatoes and ham and mix in. Bake in oven until its bubbly and potatoes are tender! Enjoy!

Sarah and Stanley

2010-03-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

Sarah bringing in Stanley today

Sarah and Stanley

2010-03-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

I watched something amazing happen today. Sarah and I took old Stanley the quarter horse out to graze on some new grass today. Sarah wanted to lead him so she started leading him from green spot to green spot. Then they moved down around to the back. I walked behind them thinking to myself that she is living my dream. When I was her age, I dreamed of having a horse or even just being around them, and there she went. Soon she had Stanley following her like a puppy. She jogged and he trotted right behind her being so careful not to step on her. She turned and he turned. She stops and he stops. I told her he has bonded with her. That horse was on her like velcro! I will have to bring the camera out this weekend and get a movie of her and Stanley.

Keeping busy

2010-03-11T08:21:00.000-08:00

We have been keeping busy working and volunteering up at the stables. We have ridden a couple times but the horses are very barn sour and do not want to go out for rides. They would rather stay in the barn or be with their friends. Work for me has been stressful and Sarah has been sick and I missed some work. I go back this weekend. The weekends have been a nightmare with staffing. Not enough staff and everyone is shrieking at me about it. I wish I could go out and make some nurses and CNA's out of mud!
Signs of spring have begun here. I saw a couple squished skunks and the birds are starting to sing. There have been red-wing blackbirds back too. The males come first and start setting up territories. The females come later on. The snow is melting and buds are starting to form on the trees. A few more warm weeks and dandelions will start to grow! Here is one of the latest pictures from the farm. Enjoy! P.S. my hair looks very grey in this picture, its not. Just the sunlight I guess...

Horse leasing

2010-02-21T11:53:00.000-08:00

Rich and I just recently began leasing a horse. We aren't stuck with one horse but the one we started on is a 30 + year old Quarter horse named Stanley. He is old, stubborn and safe as riding on a couch. Great for the kids to start on, but I hate getting into an argument with a horse. After we rode today and I was getting his blanket on, he reached over and tried to nip me. I guess its his way of saying "take that"! Here is Rich riding on Stan today.

Got to ride!

2010-01-20T15:11:00.000-08:00

I got to ride a horse today, first time in a couple years at least! It only lasted about 10 minutes as the horse was not cooperating in the least. He is an old quarter horse. Over the age of 30 so it was like trying to get an old man to walk around the block a few times. Stanley wasn't having any of it today. He balked coming out of the pasture, he balked getting saddled, he balked walking down to the riding ring. He balked when I asked him to walk. He did however show enthusiasm when heading back to the gate and toward his owner! Here are a few pictures of Rich and I riding. Rich didn't get any kind of a ride as Stanley was thru after I rode. We are going to start leasing next month. Guess who we get to start on? Yup that is right.. good old Stanley! Guess its good to have a nice gentle, if stubborn, horse to learn on! Just to let other horse people, know I am not sawing on the horses mouth in the picture, he is very stubborn and I was trying to turn him around.

Warning: Venting post

2010-01-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

I think I may be suffering from some depression or having a mid life crisis or something. I do take anxiety meds but I switched recently to a generic version of Lexapro and have really not been good. I don't feel anxious, I get very irritable and angry. I am just sick of everything. Sick of my job, sick of the kids, sick of my husband (gasp) sick of the weather, sick of chores, sick of these animals at the house. The list goes on. It is compounded by my inability to stay organized and be able to find things when I need them. I am a chronic "loser" of things. Most of these things are important. Like my Social security card. I lost my new one. Now I have to reapply. I misplace bills, paystubs, all kinds of things. All the time. If I need it I can guarantee I will not be able to find it. Right now I am not only missing my SS card I am missing this black leather zipper portfolio thing I used since the AirForce to hold my important documents. Missing. I swear I saw it in the car trunk not that long ago but husband says its not there. I can't find it in the bedroom. My bedroom by the way looks like something from an episode of Hoarders. I am not joking in any means. I have boxes of stuff covered with piles of clothes. I hate to throw things away. I have good intentions and put them in bags to donate but the bags sit there and then get ripped and then everything is all over the place again. I get so overwhelmed by all this crap that I just walk by it. I have tried getting organized, really I have, but it keeps coming back. I am a lazy person by nature and that is a big part of the problem. I'm not really looking for tips or advice. I am just venting. I feel sorry for my husband to have to live with me like this. He is the type that needs a lot of romance and I have zero interest in that. ZERO! Just the thought of having to have romance makes me feel like crying. After romance I am relieved, mostly because I know I can get away with not having to have romance for a couple more days. He also has to deal with my mood swings. Not pleasant. I am snappy and snarly. Mostly I just want to be left alone. Ok enough whining and moaning... Try to have a nice weekend. Probably just hung a big black cloud over yours.. LOL

Pioneer Woman cook book contest

2010-01-02T08:46:00.000-08:00

A fellow blogger is giving away her copy of PW cooks! Go HERE to enter!

Quick Summary of my NYE

2009-12-31T19:23:00.000-08:00

OK here is a quick summary of my day today...
Up
horses and horse manure
lunch
nap
hotdogs and saurkraut and really awesome potato salad!
District 9
Color hair
Orphan ok part of Orphan, had to drive Sarah to grandma
Rest of Orphan
Blog
Bed
Happy new Year!

Hump day musings

2009-12-30T14:33:00.000-08:00

Blue, yes that is a nice color to go with my background! Anyhow, how is everyone? Me I'm ok. Woke up with a bit of swelling on my knee. Didn't hurt it in anyway. Dr. says it is tendonitis more than likely and gave me some Celebrex samples.
I missed work for that? Sheesh..
Remember kitten Simba that we got in the spring? He went from a scraggly looking kitten to a handsome teen that resembles a Maine Coon cat. A very amazing transformation.

He is only half grown too! His fur is so soft and luxurious. I could bury my face in it all day! You can also see my new haircut.. sort of. I was planning on donating my hair, 12 inches of it, to locks of love. Unfortately I chose to put in in a plastic bag. My daughter picked it up and spun the bag and the hair tie fell off and the pony scattered. Here I am posing with the remains, but it was ruined.

Now that I know my knee isn't injured in anyway, I am going to begin working at the new stable tomorrow. Sarah gets to come and help out by being the "hay girl" and she gets to ride George the fat pony too! Lucky her! I wonder if I get to ride too. Not George of course! I could probably give George a ride! HA!
Going to take the camera and take some snaps tomorrow... Linda

$5 Meal giveaway

2009-12-30T14:31:00.000-08:00

Go here to enter the contest! $5 dinners? Can't beat that!

Good news?

2009-12-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

I went out to Sand Hill Farms to see about volunteering and it is a great place! I think I will love it there and the woman I talked to said I can ride too! I'm very excited and looking forward to working there!
http://sandhillfarms.webs.com/

Day after Christmas

2009-12-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

Twas the day after Christmas and all thru the house, no child was stirring, just me and the spouse.
Yes the kiddos are sleeping off their long day of fun. Playing video games and watching tv all day sure can wear one out. Me, I took a long nap in the afternoon, only interuppted a few times by Sarah moaning about how bored she was.. Imagine that. The dishes still sat in the sink this morning because "It's not my turn" and " I just did them" coulden't be bothered. So I rolled up my sleeves and tackled them with the hubby. I woke up stiff and sore this morning. Stiff neck and aching joints. We had a little freezing rain this morning. Not going to the stables for a few days due to weather and rain. I'm thinking about visiting one a bit further away. They have a more extensive program where they board horses, plus have lessons etc. They also lease horses. Maybe I can volunteer there and work off a partial lease. I don't see riding in my future at the current stables. Not in the winter anyhow. I don't know, won't hurt to check out the other place anyhow.
We had a good Christmas anyhow. I got tons of candy and lots of smell good stuff. Going to visit inlaws tomorrow.

Rich and I at the stables

2009-12-23T14:02:00.001-08:00

Naughty little Timon, a gelding. He loves to tease and pull at your jacket and try to steal gloves!
He also loves to pick on his barn mate, Earl by pulling his tail and nipping his butt. He is like a mischievous little boy. Earl half-heartedly kicks at him but Timon just keeps nipping and pulling!

We went out to help at the stables today and we snapped a few quick pics!
Me and Razz ma Tazz a 20+ year old therapy horse!
Here I am out in the pen helping feed the mini horses. Aren't they cute?

Rich bringing out Banjo, one of the mares.

Baking week

2009-12-22T14:32:00.000-08:00

I have been doing something I rarely do. Bake. I am a fairly good baker, not great but good. I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and regular chocolate chip cookies this week. Tonight I am trying my hand at pumpkin cranberry/raisin bread. I am going to make two loaves. One with cran and the other with raisin. I hope they are cooked enough. I remember a couple years ago, I entered jalepeno corn bread in the fair and it didn't win a ribbon. I picked it up at the end of fair week and tried a slice and found it wasn't cooked all the way thru and had rotted in the middle. Gross! Good thing I didn't poison any judges. My husband has me a little miffed. While he raved about my oatmeal cookies, he said the chocolate chip ones were just "ok". He said he has had better. I used the recipe from the back of the Hershey bag and everyone else thought they were great. So I brought 2 dozen of my "ok" cookies into Sarah's class party today and they disappeared. I guess the kids thought they were good.
I won't go on about the other things he has me miffed about. I guess there is no sense complaining because he could come up with complaints about me too! Plenty of them. I know being married is not easy. Relationships are not easy. Being a family of 5 is not easy. A blended family is hard. Really hard. It is hard to put up with someone else's kid and their ways. I'm sure it is hard for him as much as it is for me. I love my husband and can't imagine being without him. Well, ok I could but there I would be right back in the same lonely hole that I was in. He is nothing in comparison to my ex. No drinking, name calling or wrecked trees this year.
I mailed my Mommy out a box. I cannot reveal the contents here because she reads this. She will get it hopefully the day after Christmas. I was a little slow getting it in the mail.
I'm hoping to get out to the stables tomorrow. I am starting to get to know the horses and their individual personalities. They are gentle horses and very forgiving to this newbie. There is one horse that I particularly like. His names is Deacon. Short for "Deacon's verse". He is a pinto. There is a big horse called "Little guy". There is a big draft called Razz. Several mini's, two goats, 3 pigs, some chickens. The other horses are Earl and Timon, both greys. There are a few more but I can't remember all the names. The actual riding program isn't going on right now, but the horses still need care. They eat twice a day with hay available at other times. Lots of water. Clean stalls etc..
Well, I will let everyone know how the bread turned out. Linda

Help! I'm being consumed by Facebook!

2009-12-19T09:03:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that I have been spending way too much time on Facebook and haven't blogged in nearly 2 months. Shameful! Not that my life is very interesting, but I know my Mom likes to keep up to date on all the trouble I cause!
Lets see... Still married.. so far! Broke my record on that so thats good. Kids are still brats. We are going to have to employ a strong arm technique with them I'm afraid as they still seem to think they are in charge and that video games/television etc.. are a right and not a priveledge. I am going to draft up a plan with hubby that basically cuts them off all together and they will earn the video/tv time by behaving, doing thier homework, going to school, doing chores etc... I also will have to crack down on unemployed son that is 18 and is taking up couch sitting as a career. Winter is here, unofficially or not. It has been very cold the last few days. The pipes almost froze up overnight last night. We had been having sewer trouble for a few months and hopefully have that fixed. The landlord has not been a happy camper and claims we have "abused" his septic so much that the whole thing needed replacing. He claims that in the 2 1/2 years I have lived there, I have done so much laundry that it has ruined the septic. According to the people who replaced the system, it was an old one to begin with and the drywall was cracked and needed to be replaced. The landlord claims that it was covered with a thick black tar like residue from all the detergent. Right after the septic was replaced our line clogged and we had to rent a power snake to clean it out. Hubby was not a happy camper with that. It wasn't expensive, just disgusting.
Lately the kids remind me of a giant grinder. One with a large opening at the top that you pour groceries, electricity, clothes etc.. into the top and all the comes out is garbage at the bottom. Most people seem to enjoy raising children. I hate it. I hate the nastiness, the rudeness, the disrespect, the lying and the laziness. I realize that it is my fault that these kids are this way and it is hard as hell to change them. I want being a parent to be fun. Somedays I just want to run away and never come back. I would never do that of course, but it is tempting. I think Hubby and I are going to have to institute the WWL bootcamp for wayward children. WWL is a combo of our last names. We want to teach them respect, discipline and compassion which they are sorely lacking.
Ok enough bad news... now for the good!
I have started volunteering at a local stable that runs a program called Equiability. It takes kids with disabilities and puts them up on horses for therapy. I have only been over a couple times and am mostly doing barn chores right now. That is ok with me, because that is what I wanted to do. I was looking for a place where I could learn how to take care of horses in the eventual goal of having one of my own. So far, I am learning about feeding, turnout, watering and learned how to measure a horse for a blanket. I will be doing stall cleaning soon enough! There are 18 horses there, so morning barn chores take about 3 hours. I haven't been there long enough for stalls. Maybe the next time I am going to go I should ask her to leave stalls for me until the afternoon. I am hoping that in the spring, after I've been there for a while, she will let me ride a bit. If I do get a horse in the near future or distant future, she takes boarders too! It is only 10 minutes from my house so is ideal and she takes very good care of the horses. I will love to help with the program too when the kids come out!
So thats the news from my neck of the woods... Linda

Rainy Day Saturday

2009-10-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

What a dreary day, rain all day and some claps of thunder here and there. I worked from 6:30 AM until 3:00 PM. Very boring day. The colors on the trees are so pretty however, even in the rain. Somehow the rain seems to enhance the color.
My sister just celebrated her one year anniversary! I'm so happy for her and Bobby. It is funny, after I had Sarah, she had Abby, my niece. So now, she got married, and I followed suit.

Kickin' butt at Walmart and PriceChopper

2009-10-23T13:22:00.000-07:00

I saved alot of $$ today shopping sales and using coupons. Here are some examples...

Walmart

B1G1 free coupon for Steamfresh meals 2 for 4.98
Ore Ida fries 2.57 ea $1.50 off coupon on two
Little Debbie cupcakes $2.47 1.00 off coupon
Jar of Hormel chili $2.50 $2.00 coupon
Hard to calculate the savings at Walmart, but with coupons I saved.. 18.17. I had a $25 gift card from work I earned by working over time so we paid 34.29 for 58.02 of groceries.

Now Price Chopper!

We got 27.00 on coupons off, plus with B1 G1 deals... we paid 43.62 for 88.61 in groceries. over half off! That was fun!

No clever title today.

2009-10-23T04:45:00.000-07:00

I was trying to think of a clever title and came up blank. Nothing really happening lately except me hitting a deer and Rich getting a virus on the computer. I'm waiting for #3.
The deer was a complete surprise as I have never hit a deer before! I am usually quite cautious because deer are numerous around this area and really moving about too this time of year. I was driving to the school to pick up Sarah and did not take my "usual" route, I said to Rich, lets go the backway and avoid the traffic. Wrong decision! I was going up South Greenfield Rd. A road we drive on daily and all I saw was a flash of white and brown coming out of the corner of my eye and before I could react I hit it. I just shouted "Whoa!" and saw this poor deer catapulting up into the sky, flipping end over end and then disappearing. I pulled over quickly as there were a couple cars behind me. I remember looking in my rear view to see if they saw what happened. They just went around me, barely slowing down. I thought the first car would of stopped. They might not of seen me hit the deer anyhow. So we got out and the poor thing is struggling around trying to get up. I called 911 and they were going to dispatch a sheriff to come and dispatch the deer. We waited and waited. I called Sarah's G-mom to pick her up at the school and she came up and around and dropped Sarah off at the accident site before the sheriff showed up! The deer had died by then. Sarah is a bit of a ghoul when it comes to stuff like that. So about 5 minutes later, I called again and they said the sheriff was coming. So he finally came, a deputy by the way, we never see the real sheriff of course! He was really nice and helpful and informative. We got a written report. He said we could have the deer, but neither Rich or I were prepared for that so we didn't take it. I called an old friend and found out the next day they didn't come get it as the deer was still there. The damage to the car is not too extensive. The hood is dented and bent, the grill is cracked and one light cover is scratched and the light points up. So the insurance adjuster is coming out this morning.

This is the deer the day after. Already covered with bugs and bloated. It was a small doe.
In other news... we went to a Lincoln Brewster concert on Wed night. He is a Christian artist. Very good show. He sang, played guitar and told some stories. He used to play for Steve Perry from Journey. We all went and enjoyed the show a great deal. This guy is a phenomonal guitar player! I did take a video of a solo but haven't uploaded it yet.
Not much else to report.. Linda

Patrick Swayze and Spruce Mountain

2009-09-15T15:51:00.001-07:00

I was so sad when I heard that Patrick Swayze died. Wow, what an incredible life lost. He was not only a great actor, he was a fantastic dancer and also could sing. He was a great role model and was an excellent example of how a celebrity should act. He loved his wife and seemed to have it all..

Anyhow.. Rich and I climbed Spruce Mountain today. It is a small mountain as mountains go. More like a hill compared to the larger peaks in our nation! It definately gave my fat azz a workout however! There is a fire tower on the top which is closed and a couple radio and cell towers. The woods were lovely and it was a beautiful day for late summer. Not to hot and not too cold. We saw a garter snake in the process of eating a toad! He first had it by a leg and was trying to eat it that way. Or maybe just tire it out. When we came back down he was swallowing it head first.

This is not my photo by the way! This snake is going about eating the toad but first. Poor toad.. Wonder what he is thinking?
Anyhow there was a nice cache at the top of the mountain as well as a little bit of a view. We did take pictures but on a disposable camera which we have to get processed first. I sure was tired when we were done with the hike. It was a nice accomplishment however and makes me a little more motivated to exercise more. Linda

Silly cat scare!

2009-09-12T09:58:00.001-07:00

My little man Tarzan pulled a disappearing act on us. He has been hiding in the house since Thursday night. I noticed him missing on Friday and he just reappeared this afternoon! I was worried sick and crying thinking he was eaten by a coyote! I'm glad he is alive and well! Silly cat!

Herbert

2009-09-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

We went to Albany today and saw two different Drs. who both came to the conclusion that Herbert and his friends were most likely a result of getting scratched by a cat! They seem to think because Sarah is diabetic she is more likely to get infections. So we have to be careful with her and her diabetes A1C levels need to come down a little more. Also Rich figured out how to use our scanner, so here is a picture of my son as a baby!

Halloween give away!

2009-09-07T04:23:00.000-07:00

This neat blog site is having a giveaway for Halloween! I saw pumpkins today at some roadside stands, so fall must be almost here! It is also apple picking time.
Rich and I went up to Whitehall, NY for a town wide garage sale. Most of the sales were junk but at one I got a pair of barely worn sneakers that are normally around $70 for $5 and a pair of hiking sandals with tags on still, Teva brand for $2. I got a couple books and some other little odds and ends. This next weekend coming up is the townwide garage sales for our town. I have to work however, so no shopping for me except maybe after work.
School starts Wed. I have to make sure the kids have everything. I think Sarah just needs a couple more small things and she will be all set. It seems the list goes on and on for things they need. They have to bring alot for themselves and for the classroom supplies. It seems like the money never stretches far enough these days. Always scraping by on Monday and Tuesdays until the child support or the work check comes. Glad Rich is working and Travis will start a week from today. He got a job at Quad Graphics. It is seasonal but hopefully will work into a full time position! Not much else going on. Taking Sarah to the specialist on Thursday. Herbert has shrunk but has left behind a hard little lump in her arm. I am hoping it is nothing to be concerned about. I sure can't afford to take time off work right now for illness. Thanks for the prayers from everyone I think they helped!

Herbert

2009-09-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

Sarah's lump named "Herbert" has shrunk. We are still scheduled to go see the Pediatric surgeon next week. If "Herbert" is still hanging around, they may want to do a little biopsy on him..

Sarah and the "lump"

2009-08-27T05:09:00.000-07:00

My daughter noticed a lump on her arm a few days ago and complained about it and how it hurt. I told her what most Mom's would say.. it will be better in a couple days and if it isn't we will go to the Dr. Well, the Lump kept getting bigger and bigger so off we went to the Dr. yesterday. She was mystified about it, so she ordered an ultrasound of her arm. Turns out the lump which we named Herbert by the way, has 3 siblings... two are un-named but the largest is Matilda. She is twice the size of Herbert. Now I'm not trying to be silly or dismissive. I think naming these things is my way of coping with the fear that something is wrong with my daughter. We are waiting to hear back from the Dr. to find out what to do next... Here is a pic of Herbert anyhow.. please pray this is nothing serious!